Tales From Jamaica: Day 6

Our day started out with a long, unairconditioned ride to Martha Brae river. The excursion sales person told us it would only take about an hour to get there and it took closer to two but I'm glad she lied or we probably would've chosen to do something else. Our bus driver has a special name..Precious. And this is the vinyl he has across the top of the bus:

Riding With "Precious" Is Not A Problem Unless You Make One 

So that makes a good first impression 🙄. He was actually really nice and explained that Precious is his nickname and his real name is Noel, like Christmas. But everyone knows him as Precious and that's what we should call him. He said he will answer any questions we have but he will be focusing on the road because all the other drivers are crazy. We really appreciated that, especially when we asked him a question about an abandoned aluminum plant and he turned around in his seat to look at us while he was talking. We understood why it was important for him not to talk and just drive 😳. We picked up some other tourists at another resort and were happy that they weren't chatty with him, as all our lives depended it on it and they weren't even aware.

 We had to stop once on the way to allow a herd of wild goats to cross the road. 

We finally got there and used the restroom while Precious got our tickets taken care of. Next to the restrooms was Martha's Garden. There were lots of different herbs and uses for each were listed on the white signs beside them. Zoom into the one near the bottom right 😉. 

We were provided entertainment by an older gentleman who played guitar and shook a tambourine with his foot. He sang his own tune to whichever song seemed to pop in his head at any given moment, often stopping one song abruptly and starting another. He had a tip bucket for showing your appreciation. Phil(ip) found him annoying but I thought he was hilarious. I just wouldn't want him to be like, our neighbor or anything 😂. 

Precious came to line us up and gave us the only safety precaution we had during our trip to Jamaica...a life vest; with the disclaimer that we didn't have to put it on but had to take it on the raft with us.  

The scenery was beautiful! The water is clear when you scoop it into your hand. Our raft captain actually pulled over shortly after we started our float to get a drink straight from the river. 

 Below is a picture of the people in front of us. The rafts are 30 feet long, made from bamboo. Our Raft Captain told us that they last for about 6 months before they start getting water logged. They then use them to continue making a fence that's about halfway down the tour. 

He showed us many different plants and pointed to a huge termite nest that was along the bank in a rotten tree.

Phil(ip) asked him if he and the other raft captains ever raced each other when they weren't busy and he said they don't have competitions but when a cruise ship comes in and they have lots of people waiting then they go faster. He said the more runs they take, the more money they make so then it's a contest to see who's the fittest 😂. I'm glad we weren't there on a busy day because that activity is more enjoyable when you go slow. It's supposed to be a float, not a regatta on the Martha Brae. Not to mention, we drove almost 2 hours to get there so we wouldn't want it to be over so quickly. 

Along the river bank are a handful of vendors with the same goods you see everywhere else. They yell for you and try to get you to stop but they aren't super aggressive. One guy was at the river washing something and a tourist on another raft asked him what he was working on. He said he was washing his hammock. His and our raft captains thought it was hilarious that the tourist asked what he was working on. Apparently they don't use that phrase pertaining to leisure activities. 

When you get to the end, that's when the sales pitch starts. We should've expected it but I was a little surprised. He brought a black bag on the raft with him but we didn't know what was inside. I assumed it was some sort of raft necessity bag, even though I had no clue what that would entail. Nope. It held some hand-carved calabash shells that were for sale, of course. I must give props to our guy because his sales game was weak, honestly. He was kind of nonchalant about showing them to us and didn't really pressure us to buy it. It was beautiful though so we did. 

There's a small circle inside and he showed up how to use it by putting "a little super on it" and sticking it to the bottom to make a stand. When I asked him how much he said, honestly I usually get $35 or sometimes $30, but I take care of you, you take care of me 🙄😂. Seems all Jamaicans know that line. 

When you get off the boat, there's another guy who comes over to you carrying some bamboo carved cups. He says something along the lines of, "Oh I see you bought the calabash. Those are nice but I make bamboo. See, they don't break" and he drops it on the floor. Then he says, "Hold it, no charge for touching" and sort of forces you to take it. I was going to tell him no but he said, "Only $5, boss lady.  Put drink, pencils, flowers, whatever you want in it. This is how I make my living." He was wearing mismatched shoes, which means 1 of 2 things: he is either really bad at selling things, or he plays a good game with the sympathy card. Either way it worked and I bought one. Lol

I think they're both cool so we have some nice souvenirs from there. I wanted to buy a shirt but we didn't see it until we were leaving. It was a Nike shirt with a Rasta man lying on top of the swoosh and it said, "Just Do It Later. Jamaica" 😂😂😂 That is definitely their motto. The Jamaicans we've encountered are hard working people, they just do things in Jamaican minutes. 

When we got back to the resort we were finally able to play in the sea, but still couldn't do the snorkeling trip because you have to sign up in advance. Instead we got to use the paddle boards, and neither of us had ever been on one before. Holly, (#4!) you will be happy to know that skipping paddle board yoga at the retreat was a good idea. Paddle boarding is exhausting! We were only out for less than half an hour and my arms were so tired! Lol. Standing up on one isn't easy. The lifeguard was out in the water on one and came over after we each fell off to give us some tips, like "stand with your feet closer together in the middle" and "don't look down or you'll fall."  He told us a few times that he's out on one for hours every day and he never falls. He even stood on one foot and he almost fell and I can't say I wasn't hoping that he did 😝. We didn't get to use the hydrobikes because the Water Sports hut was closing soon after we came back to the beach but that's okay, it just leaves something to look forward to on our next trip! 

Tales from Jamaica: Day 5

We had water activities planned for today but the current wouldn't cooperate 😕. We were scheduled to go snorkeling this morning but the guy at the Water Sports hut said the water was too choppy and we wouldn't be able to see anything. So we went to where we could see things: the pool (stay with me here).  There are two trees by the main pool whose branches are cut to provide a sort of canopy of shade all along the one side. This is great for those of us who get grilled in the sun and turn to lobsters. The only bad part is that those trees produce tiny little flowers that fall into the pool constantly. There is seriously a staff member whose only job is to skim the pool all day. When he's not skimming he's standing by the bathroom, waiting to skim, and making you feel uncomfortable when you have to walk by him on the narrow walkway to go pee. Anyway, back to the seeing things part. Because these tiny flowers fall into the pool, bees go in the pool after them and many of them die! I couldn't stand by, sipping my Jamaican Smile, and let this happen! I saved 4 bees from certain death by scooping them out of the water and onto the cement. One recovered and flew away, one put up a good fight but couldn't rub all the water off of himself (or that's what it looked like he was trying to do) and later died. Another one walked out of sight so I'm not sure about his fate and the last one I left on the sidewalk right before leaving for lunch so I can't say for sure what happened to him. But the point of this story is to tell you all that I helped save the bees and I wasn't even wearing my SAVE THE BEES shirt. Something needs to be done about the bee death trap that is unintentionally set at the pool at our Jamaican resort! I bet no one has even considered that being a cause of bee deaths but it is. I've seen it with my own eyes 👀. I'm only one person, I can only save so many bees. Someone help!

We had lunch at the restaurant right beside the pool and we were ridiculously excited to see they were serving tacos! (I've told you how much I love Mexican food, right?) they were delicious and made me happy 😊. 

We had mentioned to each other a couple of times that we were surprised by the lack of creepy crawlies (aka lizards) there have been. We normally see all kinds of tiny little suckers running around whenever we're in the Caribbean. Have I mentioned I don't like things touching my feet? Yeah well, those little a*holes will run right across your feet. I like to look at them, I do not want them anywhere near my feet. They're super fast, too, so I'm surprised we got pics of the two we finally did see.

Both are Jamaica Anoles. They can change colors and have a bright orange dewlap that pops out when they are threatened. They grow to be about 6 inches long. When we were looking at them one of the staff from the Water Sports came by and asked if we wanted him to take our picture (Pool hair=no thanks). We told him we were looking at the iguana in the tree and he told us there aren't iguana on this side of Jamaica, only little lizards. And since we both think we know everything we thought he was wrong and googled it to find that they're Anoles 🤷🏻‍♀️ He was right...okay? I said it. 

I hate the lizards but I'm not sure which is worse, them or the nasty caterpillars we saw in Puerto Rico in 2012. They don't run across your feet because, well, they're caterpillars so they don't move super fast BUT, I hate caterpillars and they're HUGE! For real, they're over 6 inches long and they stink so bad if they get squished. And no, I didn't squish any. I do not like them but I wouldn't kill one..unless it crawled across my feet... 😉. Anyway, I have an actual pic of one that I took but it's at home somewhere on a hard drive of pictures that we never look at so here's a google image for you:

You would think since they're so big and bright that people would notice them, right? I know I sure did. Seriously, they were everywhere. Like, tens of them on the sidewalk. But someone ended up stepping on one by our room one night and the smell....oh yuck. Don't do it. It's not a good time. Just sayin'. 

 Can you tell we had a slow day? 😂

This evening we went to dinner and the waiter asked where we were from. We said WV and he thought about it for a second and then said, "Country Roads?" and I was so excited because many people in the US don't even know we're a state so it was awesome to know a Jamaican knew about us. I replied, "Yes!!" really excitedly and he said, "Yeah mon, I like that song" lol. So thanks John Denver. By the way, they really do say, "yeah mon" all the time, that's not just a stereotype. 

River rafting tomorrow on the Martha Brae river on a 30 foot bamboo raft powered by a Jamaican. Can't wait! 

OH!! I almost forgot: we didn't get offered any weed to buy today! Maybe they were all out 🤔. 

Tales From Jamaica: Day 4

We once again ventured off the resort today to do a shopping excursion. The gift shop at the hotel had some things but we wanted to find a few specific things they didn't have. The bus picks you (and lots of other people) up at your resort and the driver stays with your group the entire time. We made three stops, all of them at very, very similar places. Everyone in Jamaica is an entrepreneur and every day is "Half Off Today Only."  The first place we stopped was called Rainbow something and the staff follows you around, telling you about anything you touch, suggesting something for you to buy ( not sure how many times I was asked why I didn't look at the T-shirts), and giving you a price that's much lower than the one on the sticker. Guess what they had at the Rainbow store?! That's right, the **very rare**palm tree bottle opener keychain! 🙄 At least it was the same price as what I paid last night. When we went to pay, the man running the register kept his head down and said, "What are the prices?" twice, and I assumed he was asking the other staff. Nope. He typed them in and then asked me if they were right. I told him that the man in the back said this price for that and this price for that, pointing to the items on the screen. He replied, "Oh I didn't know, my psychic friends didn't tell me the prices for my customers."  😳😳😳 Um, ok..that's not how we do it in US. I thought he was being an ass but Phil(ip) said he didn't think so. Either way, his customer service skills could use some work. 

The next shopping center was called Taj Mahal and it filled a  plaza with stores that all sold the exact same things. At the first store we went to we found some things we wanted and the employee came to the register with us and told the clerk the deal she had made us. In another store a guy came up to us and stuck the items Phil(ip) was holding in our other bag (which made me really suspicious that he was sliding something else out but I watched his hand come out empty), said he would give us deal 🙄, took our money and said we were good to go. No receipt. Nothing. We're not even sure he worked there. We didn't really care though as long as we didn't get accused of stealing. In the hour spent walking around that plaza, our "offer" count increased by 4, making a total of 7 so far. We saw lots of designer knockoffs--Coach, Michael Kors, Louis Vitton, etc. So if you're looking, they're half off in Jamaica 😉. One notable thing about all the stores was the selection of explicitly carved anatomical figures, both male and female. Tourists must like that? I don't know. 

The last place we stopped was the most interesting but also the most annoying. This was called the flea market but it's not like the flea markets you see at home. There are no vintage mason jars or Ty Beanie Babies. Nope. Just more of the same crap you saw at the plaza, only this one is organized into a high pressure sales situation. 

When you get there they tell you that each couple (there were 6 couples on our bus) would go with a different vendor (there are probably 20-30 little shacks like this). They said they all sell the same things so it makes it fair for them to take turns. The lady who "chose" us took us over to her shop and told us to take a look while she fanned us with cardboard (which felt really good because it was hot AF). She asked if this was our first time in Jamaica and I told her that it's our third. She said, "Oh, you're a Jamerican. Welcome home." 🇯🇲🇺🇸 She explained to me how her cover up wraps work and said they're easy access (if you know what she means 😉🙄) and asked what color I liked so I could try one on. I told her I wasn't interested so we moved to the jewelry. She went on and on and I did choose a few things I liked but Phil(ip) finally told her we didn't have much cash left and put an end to it (he's good at stopping bullshit). She wanted too much money for it but we paid her for the one item anyway and walked out. When we did, another tried to get us and someone else told her it wasn't her turn, we needed to come down the line, but the first lady said this one had asked for us. We told her we weren't going with anyone else and she walked away without an argument. We must've looked pretty wealthy for them to be fighting over us! 😂 I was wearing a shirt I got at Target that says "Nama-stay in Bed," not sure what about that screamed money. They all give you a sob story about this being their only chance to make money this week...sure, until the next hotel chain sends a group your way 🙄. All in all, I was glad we found the few things we were looking for but I wouldn't want to do it again. And if I did, I would definitely lie to the man at the register to get a better deal 😝

Tales from Jamaica: Day 3

Monday: Hiking Dunns River Falls was awesome! We had a really good time, even though we had to get up early and one of us isn't a fan is that...*ahem, Phil(ip)* 

We purchased the DVD that is supposed to have photos that we can download from it. I say supposed to because I don't have a device with me that I can view them on so I guess I'll have to trust them 🤷🏻‍♀️. So in the meantime, my words will have to suffice for painting you a picture. Here goes: Dunns River Falls is about a 15 minute ride from our hotel so we had to risk our lives, once again, with a Jamaican driver (named Clarence). Right out of the gate we almost got T-boned by an oncoming driver when pulling onto the road. I guess that's why there's a need for the sign that says "Use Caution When Entering The Road Even If Light Is Green." I snapped some pics of other signs along the way that are definitely necessary and for that reason, do nothing to make a tourist feel safe. 

 

These were all in the span of a couple of miles. I missed the opportunity to capture the one that says "Infant Carriers Carry Infants Safely."  Which makes me wonder if using them is a law or a suggestion. 😳

The good news is we arrived safely to take our next risk at the falls. Jamaica is not like the US in that there was no waiver signing when participating in dangerous activity. There was a big sign telling you who should not climb the falls: pregnant women, those with heart issues, etc. And we did write our names in a list on a blank piece of paper but I'm guessing that's so they would know who went missing if that should happen. (Spoiler alert: we all made it so that measure wasn't needed 😉). Clarence, our driver, briefed us on what would happen and then turned us over to our tour guide, KC. We walked to the bottom of the falls down some  ill-spaced, wet steps (maybe meant as a preview of what's to come?). KC instructed us to form a "human chain" by lining us up, man, woman, man, woman, and so forth. He said in Jamaica it's ok to hold another man's wife's hand 😋. Up we went, pausing in several (very, very cold) places to take pictures. There was one big rock that had a smooth sloped side so we used it to slide into a deep pocket of water. The slope was steep so you went straight down and your feet came up as your head went under. It was amusing to watch other people and not so amusing doing it yourself. There was also a deep spot where KC had you stand with your spouse and go backward into a trust fall. I can't wait to watch the video for that one. 

The entire hike took about 45 minutes to an hour. Then when you get done, the lions attack with their sales pitches: "Hey, where you from? Come look at my shop." "Cheaper than Walmart." "Hey tattoo, what's your name?" And my favorite, "Nice beard (to Phil(ip)) don't shave it. You want smoke?" Tallying our third offer for weed. Clarence warned us on the bus that Nothing Is Free, even if they say it is. Other tourists said they tell you it's free and then chase you down, demanding money. We all just kept walking and didn't have any problems. The couple in front of us did get suckered into a beef patty though. The husband said no but the wife was hungry so they brought it out to our van for her and they paid $2 for it. Not a bad deal. 

That evening the resort served dinner on the beach and had an assortment of entertainment, such as machete jugglers, fire blowers, and a guy performing Acro Yoga, which was nothing like the Acro Yoga that Holly and I experienced at the retreat 😂. The lighting is a bit much but he's there in the middle. 

The resort had vendors come in and set up around the pool with souvenir type goods. We looked around. They're really good salespeople. They'll tell you whatever you want to hear. I always buy a new keychain when we go on vacation and when I couldn't make up my mind, she said, " What? You don't like the palm tree? You don't see these much, they're very rare."  So I got a palm tree bottle opener keychain, even though I rarely need a bottle opener and am unlikely to even remember having one on my keychain, should the occasion arise. 

The bugs started attacking so we didn't stay out too long. We don't have any defense against the Zika virus and Jamaica's mosquito population is full of it 😳. 

Tales from Jamaica: Day 2

Wanna know the best way to start your day? Sleeping in and waking up in Jamaica. Really, you should try it sometime. We had some breakfast and the famous Blue Mountain coffee (so good!) and then went down to the beach. 

I HATE for anything to touch my feet. I won't even walk in our basement without turning on the light because I will freak out if I step on something and not know what it is. That being said, you can probably guess how I feel about walking barefoot in the ocean. I brought my water shoes with me but I didn't bring them to the beach because I wasn't planning on getting in. I agreed to only because they have floatable mats on each beach chair that you can take with you to lay on. So I hopped on it as soon as I was calf deep and paddled my way out to the buoy line. The water was pretty rough today. They had red flags out that mean no one should be swimming and there's no lifeguard on duty but lots of people didn't pay attention to those. Ever been in a wave pool or on a water bed even? Imagine a mean spirited person standing at the end of the bed, pushing up and down on the mattress really fast until you're ready to puke. You've now vicariously experienced the Caribbean Sea today. 

We had some fun entertainment back at our seats when we saw a crab digging a hole in the wet sand close to us. We referred to it as "he" even though we don't know how to tell a crab's gender. He was funny because he would burrow in the sand and then come up and throw it. You can see the sand he splattered to the left. 

 

After watching him for a few minutes we had to google what kind of crab he was. He's a white ghost crab, in case you were wondering. He kept going down in the hole and then popping his eyes out to watch us. A little while later several other crabs showed up. One was much bigger than the others and it chased around the one we had been watching. Here's where the pronouns get tricky because one of them was a he and one was a she and I'll tell you how I know that in a sec. So, the big one, that I'm going to now refer to as "he," chased the little one, who from here on out will be called "she,"  toward us, wrapped his legs around her and held her down. I started recording, thinking they were going to fight. The little one struggled for a bit but eventually went limp and so we then thought we were witnessing a crab murder. We tried to intervene by tossing some sand in their direction but the big one wouldn't give up. We googled about crabs being cannibals (they are) and thought he was going to eat her. I was sitting there, still recording, feeling like I had failed the little one by not saving her, when at the end of ten minutes, they separated, both still intact and breathing. We discovered that we didn't witness a crab murder, but instead, crab coitus. I had to google and read about crab mating because I thought she had been taken advantage of but it turns out that females like to play hard to get. If you wanna read more about crab mating rituals, https://www.livescience.com/36972-animal-sex-crabs.html, this link is very interesting 😉. So yeah, we spent a good half hour crab watching on the beach and then I was scared to walk back to the sidewalk because I didn't want one of them to come touch my feet 😝. Some people came down to the beach and I warned them about the crabs, for the crabs' sake, but they didn't even look down as they walked 😕. 

We walked over to the Water Sports building next to see what they have to offer on a calm water day and got our second invitation to buy weed. The guy was like, "You find something you like to do and sign up at the bar. If you just wanna party, we can help you party too. Whatever you want to do is No Problem..." 😉😉😉🙄. We were like, "Ok, we're good, thanks."  I do wanna try hydro biking one day so hopefully we can talk to someone else when we decide to do that. 

We hit the bar and the pool for a while. Wanna take your drink in the pool with you? No Problem. Alcohol and swimming pools totally go together, right?  Right??

Later, to get out of the sun for a bit, we found the Game Room and played some table tennis and pool. But the best part about this room was the artwork hanging on the wall 😉 

You may need to zoom in a bit, there's glare...

There are several unusual pieces of art throughout the resort. Take for example the picture hanging over our bed..

What is this? We've been calling it "The Alien."  

And this one hangs over the toilet. We find this a little disturbing. 

Ok, well we'll be hiking the famous Dunns River Falls in the morning. I'm super excited about that! I'll tell ya how it goes! 

Tales from Jamaica: Day 1

Greetings from Jamaica! Phil(ip) and I are celebrating our 9 year wedding and 15 (!) years together anniversary on July 27 and July 29. Jamaica is our favorite vacation spot so where better to celebrate than paradise?! Today is Day 1 of our journey so read on for all the highlights of our trip so far! 

The Parking Lot: Every time we fly we park in Extended Parking so, like fools, we head to the first section and drive up and down each row searching for a spot. You'll come across several spots that get you excited, thinking you're going to get to park close, and then there's a Mini Cooper or Fiat tucked up in it 😡. Eventually, after we've spent the amount of time it would've taken us to just park in the back and walk to the  terminal, we go park in the back and walk to the terminal 🙄. 

Getting to the Gate and Boarding: I'm curious as to why children under 12 are not required to remove their shoes at the security checkpoint. As if someone couldn't slide some contraband into their child's shoes...I guess TSA has faith that all people are good parents 🤔. 

Their liquid restrictions require you to pitch any drinks you may have before going through security. After getting your body scanned, you get to go the gate, but not before being tempted with $4 bottled water, which you have no choice but to purchase if you don't want to thirst to death. With those prices it's like going to the movie theater. 

I will say that Gate C at PIT has made major improvements in the last couple of years. Every set of seats is equipped with outlets. There used to only be "charging stations" that were made for standing. I was also impressed with Swift Air's boarding process, which boarded the back of the plane first (after first class, of course 🙄 😝). I've been saying for years that it makes no sense to board front to back. However, I saw that it makes absolutely no difference what order they call the rows to board because people are either unable or unwilling to follow directions. I chose our seats online, row 8, with the hopes of not having to squeeze around people or wait in a line for 10 minutes to get to my seat that that is literally 40 feet from the door of the plane. Alas, my hopes were shattered. Someone even decided to go against the crowd to get to the front of the plane while 25 people were coming the other way in a very small space. But here's the best part (best if you have a sense of humor): my seat, 8F, "window" seat.....didn't have a window! 

Phil(ip) usually asks me to switch him if he's in the middle and I have the window seat. Well I did..so he got a bum deal 😂 not really though because we just wants the bigger space to sleep. We laughed hysterically when we saw there was no window. Which may have been because we were awake since 4:30am. But none the less I cried from laughing. We have the same seats for the flight back so I'm stoked to return to my windowless window seat. 

Arrival: the last time we were in Jamaica was almost ten years ago. Back then, the road was in horrible condition and the driving was even worse. They drive on the "wrong" side of the road to us but our shuttle driver told us "Left side is right, right side is suicide" and I have no doubt that he's right. On the two hour bus ride to our resort we witnessed several near death experiences, which is the norm to the locals. When someone is passing and doesnt quite make it back in their lane before the oncoming traffic nears, those in the oncoming lane just move onto the shoulder of the road and go on their way. They don't even honk or flip them off, like Americans are sure to do 😂. We stopped part way on our trek for a restroom and Red Stripe break. You can bring an open container on the bus because everything in Jamaica is "no problem mon."  

When we finally arrived to our resort we were greeted with a cold towel and Rum Punch. We had been here for about 15 minutes and while walking to our room we were asked if we wanted to buy "ganga" in the hallway 🙄.  (We didn't, just for the record 😝) I have no doubt this will be the first of many offers.

The Best Part: There's a burger bar with popcorn and nachos and ice cream available 24/7! 😂

We're totally exhausted from traveling all day but Im ok with being exhausted in paradise 😉. To be continued! Good night! 

Painting Fool

It's been a busy couple of weeks and I so badly wanted to post tonight about our new toilet but unfortunately, there's still a hole in the wall and a pesky drip that needs a part to fix it so I'll have to keep you in suspense until next week. Just know there are lots of not fun things about replacing a toilet in an old house.

Here are a few things I can tell you about: our nightstands got a lift, the other two adirondack chairs got some color, and our building doors got a face lift. I've been a painting fool. I hoped to have another project to share that I've been working on in the basement. That too will have to appear in my next post, Home Improvement edition. We have this random shower in the middle of the room in what is now the laundry room/gym. I can't imagine how the room was arranged before that would make this a prime spot for a shower, other than it could tie into the drain and water lines from the kitchen above it. Anyway, I'm pretty sure the paint is about 76 years old and will give me lead poisoning but I've been scraping it for days. At first I was just getting the loose pieces and then my obsessive need for perfection kicked in and that is why I'm not finished with repainting it yet. I told Phil(ip) I think scraping paint in kinda fun, especially when big pieces come off, and he told me that we have two very different ideas about what fun is. So anyway, once the poison paint is all gone I will paint and post! (By the way, the paint may or may not be lead-based. In case you're worried about my well-being I want you to know that I do wear a mask while chipping and cleaning it up 😉)

Project #1: Raising our nightstands 4 inches.
We've had nightstands that match our dresser and bed frame for several years and weren't using them because they were too low for our raised bed. We were using two mismatched stands instead, which you know I didn't like. For whatever reason, I started cleaning in our room and got a wild idea to build something for them to sit on to make them higher. (I'm pretty sure that we can build anything and everything I want to now 😂). Because I was no good at mechanical drawing in 8th grade I asked Phil(ip) to draw a diagram for me of what it would look like. We figured out the measurements and used wood we already had from another project that we decided not to make. It didn't take long to cut the pieces and screw them together. The stain I bought is slightly darker than the stands but it's not very noticeable unless you're looking for it. They turned out great and make the stands the perfect height!

Before

One for each side

After

Project #2: I was really happy to get the other two adirondack chairs stained but it seriously took close to 3 hours to finish them. Making sure to get every nook and cranny is time consuming but also nerve wracking when your supervisor is watching you 😳:

She runs a tight ship. Sitting half inside and half outside allows her to be everywhere at once. Luckily I got the job done without incident. 

Before

After

In a couple of weeks I can paint the table and it will all match, which will make me happy. 

Here's the newest addition to the table we built so my succulent had a place to live. I made the cement planters from a kit I bought at Target (on clearance!). The succulents are courtesy of Holly G., the succulent mid-wife. She births baby succulents like a boss. 

Project #3: The doors on our storage building were looking pretty gross on the bottom. They're going to need replaced at some point. They're made from particle board that's 99 years old, I'm sure. But for today they just got touch up so they don't have to feel embarrassed around the other building doors in the neighborhood. 

Yuck!

Yay!

If my life was a video game that involved painting walls and other surfaces, I would be on like level 58. I've painted every wall in our house, some more than once, all the trim, the deck, and the entire building before this touch-up. I've gotten pretty good at it. I can paint along edges in a straight line but I ALWAYS end up with paint all over myself. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

GARDEN UPDATE: 

The garden is in complete chaos. The tomatoes have teamed up together to take over the world. The watermelon is busting out of the net and plans to capture the sidewalk. The beans have taken the net hostage and refuse to surrender. I can't even talk about the zucchini, you'll just have to see for yourself: 

My battle wounds from the zucchini jungle

I haven't harvested for a couple days, because I've been a little busy with other things, and I found this monster hiding among the leaves tonight. Anyone wanna guess how much it weighs? If you said, "About as much as a small infant," you were right, 5.12 pounds. Is there a zucchini growing contest anywhere, like the giant pumpkin ones people go to? Because I think I could I enter. I'm not sure if they still taste good when they get this big so if I can't eat it, it will make a good substitute for a dumbbell. Maybe I'll do some biceps curls with it or some overhead presses....

In other news, the cucumbers are coming along very nicely. I first noted their size on Tuesday and they've doubled since then. They'll be ready to eat very soon! 

The box I was so proud of building from my repurposed pallet isn't holding up very well. I'm just waiting for the carrots to spill out into the yard. The rabbits will be very happy. 

That's all I have for now! Stay tuned for Toilet Tales and Other Fails to see what learning experience I've had so that you don't have to 😉😂

Zucchini...zucchini everywhere!

The zucchini are out of control! I knew this was going to happen but I just hoped it wouldn't 😜. Seriously, look at these things:

This was last night's harvest...

The biggest one is AS LONG AS MY ARM!!

These are from tonight. For reference, that knife is 12" long. 😳

I'm going to learn a whole bunch of new ways to cook zucchini and then I'll go around talking about my methods like Bubba from Forest Gump talking about shrimp.  "You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it.  Zucchini-kabobs, zucchini creole, zucchini gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple zucchini, lemon zucchini, coconut zucchini, pepper zucchini, zucchini soup, zucchini stew, zucchini salad, zucchini and potatoes, zucchini burger, zucchini sandwich. That- that's about it."

In other Garden News, we have some tomatoes starting! They weren't easy to find, it's a tomato jungle in there. I've started taking notes on garden do's and don'ts for next year's garden and high on the list, after NEVER PLANT MORE THAN ONE ZUCCHINI, is space the tomatoes further apart and plant all the same kind together 😜. That was an accident, when I moved the seedlings from their egg cartons I forgot to label them and when I later moved them outside, they looked pretty much alike. Well, now they don't and I'm still not sure which is which until they all get tomatoes on them but one type is much taller than the others. As you can see in the second picture, the plants underneath are producing so I guess the taller ones aren't stunting their growth. I worried once the tomato plants started getting taller that they would produce a shadow over the lettuce and stunt it but no worries there. I'm pretty sure lettuce would grow on a rock, along with zucchini. I counted the lettuce plants tonight to make a note and there are 25. TWENTY-FIVE! Who needs 25 lettuce plants?! Oh well, that allowed enough for us and the rabbits for the first harvest. The new net seems to be keeping them out so far. 

However, they are not staying away from my Mexican sunflower in my abandoned flower bed behind the building. Phil(ip) took Sansa out to pee and sent me this pic. I wasn't really mad at it because it was super hot out. I just wish it would help weed eat a little in exchange for it's room and board.  Oh, by the way, I took down the bunny death trap around the peppers and put up a net. I forgot to take a pic but I swear I did. The forks are staying in the fairy garden though. I should just take them out because they don't seem to be working anyway. Every day I find new chunks missing from my succulents 😠.

The sunflower finally bloomed! I noticed it Friday night started tracking it's progress. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, early this afternoon, I was transplanting my herbs into some repurposed salsa jars (we eat lots of salsa, apparently. I had saved like 10 jars) and also some plants I got on clearance at Lowe's. Phil(ip) was helping me (if you call sitting at the picnic table and watching me do it, helping) and we both really liked the end result--blue dish with rocks and succulent below. He asked me where I was going to put it and I said I wasn't sure because it would do better outside but there wasn't a good place for it. He said, "you need a table," and I said, "ok, let's build one," and he started looking for designs and four hours later this appeared: 

Top, with inspirational succulent centerpiece

Base, with Sansa helper in the background 

He found a picture that he liked but it didn't have plans so we decided on some measurements and then he put all those math classes he has taken recently to work and calculated all the cuts and angles. So if anyone is interested in plans for a 34" x 18" round table, you can have them if you promise to also take 5 zucchinis 😜. 

After we were finished building Phil(ip) said, "I don't even know how this happened, I didn't plan on doing this today." It was all because my plant needed a place to live outside 😏.

Here's the finished setup (minus staining, of course): 

We've built this entire set for less than $200! 

We, and by we I mean Phil(ip), installed an anti-sag bolt thing on the gate. If you've ever wondered if those actually work, I'm here to tell ya, they do. They're pretty awesome. This one was only like $8 bucks on Amazon. Totally worth it. However, the thing that holds the two parts together (there I go again with my technical terms. Hope I didn't confuse anyone) was stripped so I got a new one at Ace Hardware for $1.39. See, I helped! 😉