Creative Kimpire: July 2019

**Disclaimer: if the words cervix, uterus, breast, breastfeeding or any other words relating to the female anatomy make you uncomfortable, you should maybe just scroll through the pics and not read **.

Quinn’s birth story started unexpectedly on Monday July 8 when I went in for my weekly appointment with Dr. Carlson. I hadn’t been feeling very well that morning and when I got there, the nurse took my blood pressure and it was 150/92. She took it again in the other arm and it was around the same. Dr. Carlson came in to see me almost immediately and said that I would need to go to Labor & Delivery and stay for observation for a few hours. She said I would need to do a 24 hour urine collection to make sure there was no protein—a sign of preeclampsia. I went downstairs and got hooked up to the monitors and had blood drawn. A little while later the doctor came to say that because I had had several more elevated blood pressure readings and my creatinine and uric acid levels were high (both have to do with kidney function), she would like for me to stay overnight and that it would be her recommendation to induce. I was really thrown off and upset because I came to what I thought was a regular appointment and wouldn’t be going home. My bag wasn’t completely packed, I didn’t properly tell the girls goodbye, and Philip was at work. Of course, he came as soon as he could. He had to make arrangements for the girls (thanks, Nikki, at Paw Spa for taking them last minute!) and finish packing my bag. Dr. Carlson said I could eat dinner and then we would start the induction at 9pm, after I had time to digest. That was my last solid meal until delivery. To start the induction one of the nurses brought in a medicine called Cervadil, which resembled a long tape worm, and inserted it above my uterus, a method of medicinal transmission that I never care to repeat. I had to get an IV so I could get fluids and I questioned the nurse who came in to do it with “Are you REALLLLLY good at putting in IV’s?” She said she was and that she starts them on babies all the time. She was right, she got it on the first try. It was a waiting game after that and I spent the next several hours getting my blood pressure checked every 30 minutes while I tried to sleep. My readings were all over the place, ranging from the high of 160 back to 120. If I never get my blood pressure checked again I won’t be sad about it. There wasn’t a visible bruise but my arm felt like kneaded bread dough by the time we left the hospital. After about 4 hours the nurse came in to check to see if my cervix had dilated any from the medicine. They had me lay back and bring the bottoms of my feet together, a yoga pose that I now never want to do again. When she checked me I was in instant pain. I can’t even describe the pain from my cervix and I had severe back pain on top of it. My cervix wasn’t dilated. When the doctor checked me again the next morning, I had the same experience and she said I still hadn’t dilated and had had an allergic reaction to the medicine, making me very swollen. I seriously thought I was going to have PTSD from the traumatic uterine checks. At that point she said my options would be to take another medicine called Cytotech or have a c section. I was an emotional mess because I was scared of having a c section but I didn’t want her to check my cervix ever again. I asked if the Cytotech had to be inserted and she said that I could take it orally so that’s what I decided to do. However, after several doses and another day down with only a liquid diet that had no variety between breakfast, lunch, and dinner, Wednesday morning came with another painful cervix check and no dilation. That’s when we decided to do the C section and be done with it. We were both exhausted, I was 38 weeks that day, and it was the 10th, the day Philip predicted he would be born (which kinda made me not wanna do it so he would be wrong 😜). Philip was great the entire time, helping me stay calm and unplugging my IV and plugging me back in every half an hour when I had to go pee. My surgery would’ve been earlier in the morning but a woman who was 7cm dilated came in right before I saw the doctor, so obviously she had to be tended to first. Damn her and her working cervix 😡😉.

The nurses got us prepped and I met with the anesthesiologist to sign papers. He had no personality in my delivery room when he was explaining how the spinal works but later came alive in the OR 🤷🏻‍♀️. The nurse who would be with me in the OR came to prep me for surgery (this included shaving 🤭) and told me that usually Dr. Carlson requires a catheter to be inserted before surgery but because I was so swollen and in so much pain she was going to allow me to wait to get it after the spinal had been administered and I would be numb. Dr. Carlson later told me this as well and said she NEVER allows this so this must mean she likes me 😃. I started getting really nervous as it got closer to time to take me down to the OR. They told me Philip would have to wait to come in until after the spinal had been given and when I told him bye I started crying. One of the nurses noticed when I got into the room and brought it to everyone’s attention, which made me feel even better 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️. That’s when the anesthegiologist’s bedside manner kicked in and he tried comforting me…I was like just get this over with already. So I had to sit on the side of the bed and hug a pillow and hold the nurse’s hand while he stuck a needle in my back three times. Each time I could feel like the pulses of the nerves. It was a weird sensation but as soon as he was done they laid me down and I couldn’t feel anything from the chest down. They strapped my arms down just in case I wanted to “help” they said. Philip was allowed to come in then. They had given me morphine and I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. I heard Quinn when she took him out of me though and his cry turned my tears of fear into tears of joy. It was amazing to see him. They cleaned him and wrapped him up and gave him to Philip. I couldn’t hold him because my arms were strapped down though. They let Philip take him upstairs to the nursery while they stitched me up. I was told later that they had a hard time getting the bleeding to stop.

Once they got me stitched up and bandaged I was taken back upstairs and Philip brought Quinn in to see me. We had pre-planned to do an hour of kangaroo care (skin to skin contact) and the nurse helped show me how to get him to latch for breastfeeding. I was still really drowsy from the morphine and when our families came to see him I told everyone I felt drunk. They gave me Benadryl also because the morphine was making me itch like crazy. I’m not sure how I ever stayed awake through visiting and then we were up most of the night with him. I fed him several times and he wouldn’t sleep unless we were holding him. They really encourage you not to sleep while holding him (which we didn’t want to do anyway as that’s not compliant with safe sleep guidelines) so needless to say we were exhausted. The next day was rough because I was super sore, obviously, and moving sucked. Getting out of bed really sucked. Peeing really sucked. We spent the day cuddling him, mostly, and having a few visitors. I had my first Over Protective Mom moment and asked the nurse to take his temperature because I thought he felt hot. He was fine 😆. I don’t know how he could’ve been hot though because our room was freezing. We asked a few times for someone to adjust the temperature but it didn’t help. We were trying to stick it out but I had to stay an extra day because my blood pressure and creatinine were still high so when the sink started leaking we asked to change rooms. The second one was much better. Dr. Carlson told me on Friday that if my labs showed my creatinine level was lower that we could leave Saturday morning but that she wouldn’t be there to discharge me. She said a doctor from Morgantown would be covering for her for the weekend and would be in to see me. She came in Saturday morning and said everything looked okay and I could leave but she needed to remove my bandage, saying they don’t send people home with them. Dr. Carlson had told me it would stay on until my follow up visit with her the following Tuesday. The nurse who came in with her looked like a deer in headlights because she didn’t want to contradict the doctor but also knew that’s not how they did it. So the doctor removed it, giving me a nice waxing because that bandage was the stickiest thing I’ve ever seen before. When I saw Dr. Carlson on Tuesday she said they do leave them on but it was fine that she took it off, however, they usually use a solution to make it less painful coming off 🤦🏻‍♀️…Quinn had to be seen by the pediatrician there and discharged as well. That doctor told us that he was concerned that Quinn had lost 10% of his birth weight, which is the maximum that they will allow a baby to go with. He said we could stay another day and try to get his weight up (to which I scoffed and he said he didn’t think I would want to do that. Remember, I’d been there since Monday, this was Saturday; I was more than ready to go home!) or we could bring him back on Sunday morning for a weight check, which we agreed to do. He also wanted us to supplement with some formula after he breastfed. I asked if there was a way we could feed him without giving him a bottle because I didn’t want him to stop breastfeeding. We were able to give him formula in a cup and if you’ve never seen a baby lick out of a cup, it’s really interesting. I have a video of him doing it. We went home and Philip went and got our girls. They were so excited to be home! They felt so big after holding the little bean. Sansa immediately wanted to come give Quinn kisses and was very curious. Sophie was curious as well but she was a little skittish with him at first. In fact, later, when he screaming because his belly hurt (I think the formula gave him a bellyache), she came running in his room to see what was going on and when she discovered it was him making all that noise she immediately turned around and noped on out of there ❌😂. They both love him now though and use every chance they get to clean his hair and toes.

Anyway, the next morning we were getting ready to head back to the hospital for his weight check and he started crying because he was hungry. I was like, “this is why people with kids are always late for things 🤦🏻‍♀️.” When they weighed him the doctor said he had lost 15% and that he was dehydrated. They wanted to give him an IV for fluids and wanted to admit him to stay overnight. As you can imagine, since we just got home after a week in the hospital yesterday, I was not the least bit happy about this turn of events. Of course, I wanted to do whatever was needed to make sure Quinn was healthy. They asked if we wanted to leave the room while the nurse put in his IV (the same one who did mine). We said no but I soon wished I had when she got it in but he yanked his hand away and started crying. And then I started crying 😭. It is awful to know your baby is in pain and to not be able to comfort him. She tried several more times but he was too dehydrated to get the IV in so the doctor said he wanted me to pump what I could and then give him formula to make 2 oz. every two hours. Unfortunately, because he needed to drink such a large amount, they strongly recommended that I use a bottle to get him to eat. Again, I wasn’t happy about this but I understood why it was necessary. The (male) doctor kept asking about my milk supply and if I felt “less full” after Quinn fed and I told him (several times) that I didn’t think my milk had come in yet (it is commonly delayed from having a c section) so no, not really. I honestly don’t know how many times he asked me that and I started to get frustrated. I try not to be sexist but I couldn’t help but feel like he didn’t understand what he was talking about when it came to breast feeding because he’s a man and couldn’t know what it feels like to have or not have full breasts. I also felt like he had just learned that that’s a thing and for lack of having anything else to go to, continued to ask me that 😡. Now that my milk has come in, yes, I know what he’s talking about. However, when there’s no milk and it’s just colostrum, it doesn’t feel the same. Someone should tell him that. Ugh.

Because we had just gotten the girls home I didn’t want them to have to leave again and they can’t be trusted to stay home alone overnight so I told Philip to go home and stay with them. He didn’t want me to have to be alone at the hospital and get up every three hours (at night) with Quinn so we asked my friend Kim to come stay with me. It was nice to have the support and see how an experienced mom handled him and his fussiness. We’re both really grateful to her for being there for us 🥰.

I would never shame a mom on her feeding preference, a fed baby is best. However, I will say that formula poop and breast milk poop are completely different and formula poop is so stinky! As a matter of fact, Kate waited very patiently to hold Quinn after we got home and after about 2 minutes said, “Okay, someone take him, he stinks too bad” 😂😂😂. I was very happy when my milk came in and we no longer had to supplement! Unfortunately, because Quinn ate from bottles that had fast flowing nipples, he is no longer latching to me and I now have to pump full time for him 😞. It’s nice that other people can help with feeding that way but I had hoped he would do both.

Anyway, Kim and I spent a very long night of feeding. I set my alarm and woke him up to eat and for me to pump. By the way, there is no privacy at the hospital. I lost count of how many people came in while I was pumping. They always asked if they could come in..”sure, why not! 🙄.” The next morning he was back to 7lbs 2 oz, an 8% loss and enough gain to go home! We had an appointment scheduled with his pediatrician, Dr. Nichols, on Wednesday so he had two days to continue to gain. The nurse that is a lactation consultant told me I did a good job. I did a good job milking myself? 🤔 Hmmm. It’s good that I’m good at it because that’s what my life consists of now: pumping the milk, feeding the milk, and then changing the dirty diapers that result from the milk. Repeat. I’ve gotten used to it though. The first night back home after the extra hospital stay Sansa was laying in Quinn’s (her) room and she was nodding her head and eventually laid all the way down. I thought something was wrong at first but then realized that the sound of the breast pump was lulling her to sleep 😂. It has the same effect on me at 2 am 🙄🤷🏻‍♀️.

He’s 18 days old and we’ve learned his cues—his hungry face, his poop face, his gassy cry. We think he’s gonna be an early talker because he coos constantly. He mostly just sounds like a creaky door but still 🤷🏻‍♀️. We’ve both been broken in by being peed on. He even peed on the wall because I wasn’t prepared during a diaper change and had him aimed the wrong way 🤦🏻‍♀️. Pro tip: your hand is not the best way to deflect a urine stream, it is not absorbent. It actually makes the whole thing a little bit worse 🙄. We’ve coined his future rocker name, should he decide to go that route. When he has a nice full belly he just melts into what we call a “bag of bones,” therefore, he shall be known as Bone Bag Quinn. We think it has a lot of potential 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Even though his birth story didn’t turn out according to plan, we were blessed with a wonderful doctor and nursing staff who were so helpful and hospitable during our (overly long) stay. We’re happy to be home and settling into our new life of no sleep, making a new normal. I’m excited to not be pregnant anymore as I now pee at normal intervals, my feet are a normal size again, I can squeeze past Philip when we’re both in between the fridge and stove in our kitchen, and I can bend over to get things without much effect. I’m still slightly sore at my incision site but I’m mostly good to go. I couldn’t ask for a better partner to experience all of this with than Philip. He’s been amazing through it all and involved in every aspect. He makes sure I have all of my equipment clean so that I can pump during the night and is just so helpful in every way. He doesn’t have the attitude that he’s “helping me” because he’s not. Quinn is both of ours and Philip certainly picks up his end of the deal and then some on some days. It will definitely take some getting used to but I know that we’ll parent Quinn together and try to give him the best life that we can. Tomorrow will mark 17 years that we’ve been together so we have a pretty solid foundation of love on which to stand ❤️.

Our welcome home sign made by our nieces 😃.