Motherhood: Month 2

Quinn had his 2 month checkup this past week. His growth is on schedule, which is great considering the first week of his life was filled with worry about him not gaining enough weight. He’s 12 pounds already! I would say that’s hard to believe but I feel it in my back 😂. Although, that could be from starting back to yoga after 2 1/2 months off 😩. That left me sore for sure but it was, at least, slightly easier than the last time I did yoga, which was when I was 36 weeks pregnant 🤰🏻😆. I can’t wait to teach him yoga. He’s already super strong, having been able to lift his head up and push off our chests since about 3 weeks old. He has awesome neck control for his age. He’s “talking” even more, responding to us with smiles and “goos.” A smile from him when he recognizes you will melt your heart. I was just telling Philip how Quinn really makes our family complete 👪. I think it’s possible for people to live full, happy lives without children but I realize now that I definitely needed him. I’m thankful that he came into our lives when he did, and not any sooner. Being a young parent has its own benefits and to each their own but I am a way better parent now than I would have been before. I get less sleep and way less done and he’s fussy sometimes and doing anything while holding a baby is 10x harder, however, I’m more patient now than when I was younger and he doesn’t really stress me out too much. I have moments, just like any other mom, but for the most part I usually don’t feel overwhelmed. Of course, that is majorly due to the support system that I have from my husband, who’s the best partner, to all the women around me who help make my life easier. All of my co-workers/friends are amazing and are like extra aunts for Quinn. They’re all more than willing to cuddle him and hold him and just give me a break. It’s so nice having them around and they’ll never know how much they mean to me. They help make up my “village” and not only does that make me a better parent but I know Quinn will be a great kid because he’s going to have so many positive influences in his life!

Lifting his head to see Mommy’s face 🥰

Reading with Aunt Gina

And hanging out at Playgroup

Learning new words with Chris 😉

Telling Mimi Marsha all about it 

And showing her how strong he is 💪🏻😄

Waiting for Mom to warm his bottle up with Lisa 

Even KiKi stops by to hang out with him from time to time. 

Being adored by Aunt Lori and the cousins ❤️

Goo-ing at them 

Smiling for the “baby” on my phone 😃

Tuesday will mark 10 years since my mom passed away and this is a hard time of year for me. If you’ve never experienced grief, I hate to tell you that it never goes away, it just lessens over time. Most days are good now, even though I always miss her, but some days are unbearable. I struggled for a long time with depression and I don’t usually talk about it but I’m finally feeling mentally well and there’s no shame in having depression. It took a while to find the right medicine but it’s working now and I’m so grateful for that. Being grateful for what you have will make you a much happier person. Anyway, I never want my mother to be forgotten because she made such a beautiful impact on my world and those who knew her so I’m writing this so that her memory will live on ❤️.

The plaque on a pole outside of my work that I bought in her memory. 

Every day is a parental learning experience but I recently had a situation that I will handle better next time. We were going for our evening walk and Philip had the girls and I was pushing Quinn in the stroller. We came upon a family with several children and a dog of their own and the dogs were dead set on saying hello to each other so we asked if that would be alright. The children immediately came over and because Sophie is very iffy about having her face touched and children sometimes don’t have good dog meeting skills, I was focused on making sure Soph didn’t bite anyone’s face off (she has never bitten anyone, I just didn’t want that night to be the first). Unbeknownst to me, Quinn is apparently a magnet to EVERYONE and the other children were gathered around him, touching his hands, his chest, his MOUTH 😱🤬😵. And of course, the dirtiest child touched his mouth 😳. I’m not saying they were a dirty family, just kids get dirty and this child was not clean at that moment. Not to mention, kids are gross and have all kinds of germs. My kid will be gross, too. I will teach him not to touch babies. Ugh. I was at a loss for what to say that didn’t include a cuss word when I saw this but luckily, one of the other children told that child not to touch his mouth, so at least one of them knew good baby etiquette. I was odd to me that I had trouble speaking up and telling them not to touch him because I’m usually fine with telling other people’s kids what to do or not to do (just as I’ll expect other parents to do to my kid when the time comes and he’s misbehaving, for the record). I think the fact that the parents were standing right there and not saying anything threw me a bit. I try not to step on anyone’s toes but in the future I will be more assertive in a situation such as this. He got a good dose of immune boosting germs that day…that I quickly washed off of him when we got home 😄🦠🛁🧼🧽. He’s fine so it wasn’t a big deal this time but seriously, he could contract any number of dangerous illnesses at his young age. I’ll have to learn to be his advocate, even at the risk of pissing off some other parents 🤷🏻‍♀️. 

The girls have been really good with him still, for the most part. We have jealous moments and Soph doesn’t know when to stop licking him without getting yelled at for it. She’s a pouter so I hate hurting her feelings but damn if she doesn’t test her limits EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sansa needs Mommy cuddles, too 😍

😂🤷🏻‍♀️

Nappin’ 😴  

Poor Sansa 🙄

In case you were wondering just how big Sophie’s mouth is, here’s a pic for reference 😂

She is a good sharer though, always bringing us her toys 🧸 

That’s all for now. Quinn is sleeping and I need to be, too. He typically only gets up once per night now, which is fantastic. I keep hearing about 4 month sleep regression though so I’m not looking forward to that. I’ll treasure my once nightly wake ups while they last! 

Motherhood: Weeks 4-7

I had no idea how magnetic babies are to some people. I've had people come up to me at stores to look at him but I recently had an experience that was on a whole other level. I had an appointment at Wheeling Hospital at the Center for Skin Cancer and Melanoma. I get a yearly skin check on my moles because I have a genetic risk factor for skin cancer. This was the first appointment for myself that I had to take Quinn with me. Happenings such as this force me to become really good at time management when I have to figure out when I can pump and when to feed him so that he won't be screaming the entire way to or from my appointments. Anyway, the FNP that I see spent the first 15 minutes of our visit talking to me about him and motherhood in general. It's slightly odd sitting in your underwear having a conversation for an extended period of time with someone who's not your husband 😂. I'm not sure why they even bother telling you to keep your underwear on because she pulled them out to look inside and even moved my breasts to check between them. I want to know that nothing looks abnormal but it's a bit violating 😳. Once she finished and I walked out to the registration desk to schedule my follow up visit, everyone in the office came to look at him and tell me how precious he is. Because of the drive time and time spent in the office, it was feeding time so I sat in the lobby to give him his bottle before we left. Almost every single person who walked by commented about him, most asked me how old he was, and several came over to get a better look and make small talk. Ninety-nine percent of those people were women but one man even got his wife's attention and they both came over to see him. It was EXHAUSTING. Seriously. I'm going to make him an informational onesie with his name, age, birth weight and sleeping habits on it so that I don't have to answers those questions a million times. In case you're wondering, no, he doesn't sleep through the night. Nor should he at this point. His doctors said he shouldn't go more than four hours without eating so if he doesn't wake up (he does), I should wake him. He is going for four hour stretches now, which makes this momma happy. Getting up twice instead of four times makes for a more restful night for me. He recently had a growth spurt, which is what prompted the longer sleeping times. His lungs grew with his stomach and he can scream really loudly now. Yay. 🙄. That usually doesn't happen though unless he thinks you're not getting his bottle fast enough. Being gassy makes him mad too. We've coined the term "poop squirmy" to describe the wiggle his does. If you try to feed him while he's gassy it could best be compared to wrestling a bag of snakes. He's begun staying awake more now, especially in the morning when he first wakes up for the day. We've struggled with putting him down when he's awake. It's like you feel the need to interact with him and laying him down by himself, even though it's because you need a shower or need to wash bottles and pumping supplies, seems wrong. It's getting a little easier now because he likes to sit and look at the lights or listen to music and knowing he's entertaining himself eases my mind. 

We had a second visit to Wheeling Hospital. This one was even more exhausting and not because of the small talk with strangers. The Monday evening before last, Quinn felt really warm to the touch so I decided to take his temperature and according to our thermometer, which may or may not be accurate, he had a fever at 100.4. He also had a red rash on most of his body so we took him to the local ER but were advised to just follow up with his PCP the next day when he didn’t show a fever on their thermometer. I called the next day and saw Dr. Nichols, who wanted to be extremely cautious because of his age (41 days old then) and said he needed to have a full workup. We had to go to a hospital with a pediatrician on staff and Wheeling is the closest. Dr. Nichols said that there was a 98% chance that it was nothing serious but in 1.5% of babies under 60 days old, a fever and rash could be indicative of sepsis, which is dangerous to newborns. We needed to go to Wheeling for observation for his fever and to get bloodwork. I was a little freaked out, just worried that something was seriously wrong with him and couldn’t get my head straight to pack anything (Dr. Nichols told me to go home and pack for 2 nights, just in case, and they would call when his room was ready so we could get right in when we arrived). My surrogate mothers, Marsha and Kim, both offered to help with whatever I needed and Marsha stopped by our house because she was close by. She kept Quinn occupied while I gathered clothes and then Philip washed up my pumping supplies and bottles once he was able to leave work. Of course I told both Kim and Marsha that I didn’t need anything but it was really helpful having someone to help with Quinn while I was trying to remember what I needed to take with me and to also reassure me that he was acting fine and the doctor was just being abundantly cautious. I miss my mother all the time but this situation and, I’m sure, future ones, make me grateful to have them in my life. I know my mom would be happy to know that I have them also. I’m thankful, too, for Lori, who’s always been there for me and I know will help me on our parenting journey. Philip was able to come to the hospital for a little bit because Lori let our girls out for us. He had to come home to stay the night with them though because our usual boarder was out of town. I was super tired and thought I would be fine alone with Quinn because I would just sleep but that, of course, didn’t happen. You can’t sleep in a hospital. It’s impossible. They drew Quinn’s blood before Philip left and while I was pumping so I was relieved that he was able to comfort him and I didn’t have to witness it. I could still hear him crying though and that broke my heart. Unfortunately, the nurse came back in shortly and told us that one sample of blood had clotted and they would need to do another heel stick. Then, as soon as Philip left to go tend to the girls, the nurse came back to inform me that that sample of blood had also clotted and they would need to take another 😡. I was not very happy at this point, as you can imagine.  The nurse said that this sample would be used to test his white blood cell count, the most important test they needed to run. They sent 3 lab techs to find his vein and take it from his hand. This draw was successful and they gave me the results shortly after, which were all good and not indicative of sepsis or anything else. The doctor was fantastic with Quinn and he told me that he didn’t think the rash was anything to worry about. He wanted us to stay overnight for monitoring of his temperature and urine cultures (I had to save his diapers) but if everything was good overnight he said we could leave the next day. I was very hopeful at that point as his temperature hadn’t registered a fever since we got there and he was eating and acting normal, especially considering they poked him four times to draw blood! I tried to get some sleep, then able to rest easier with knowing he was most likely fine, and the nurse said she wouldn’t wake me up if I just wrote how much he ate at each feeding on the dry erase board and she would check it every once in a while. However, her coming in every two hours to check his rectal temperature didn’t allow him to sleep, which didn’t allow me to sleep. I have to say, waking up to a stranger changing your baby’s diaper and probing him is a bit unsettling. I understand it’s her job and I’m not saying she did anything wrong, I just think if a situation like this ever happens again, I’m going to request to be woken up prior to them doing anything with him. If this were any other situation I wouldn’t be cool with a stranger changing his diaper so I struggled with this as well. Again, I know it’s her job and she probably didn’t think much of it but it was a first for me and seemed a little weird. Anyway, we made it through the night with no fever and they tried to treat his rash with a hydrocortisone cream. The doctor visited us the next morning and said he thought maybe the rash was just eczema (it’s not) and said we could leave at 3pm, when Quinn had been monitored for 24 hours. The shift change brought us a new nurse who told me she thought the rash was a contact rash and not to put the cream on Quinn’s face, which is what the doctor ordered the overnight nurse to do 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️. The nursing staff was nice enough but it’s frustrating to have different people give you a diagnosis. They also need to learn that if they come in a closed door to close it when they exit. I’m a breastfeeding (pumping) mother, I don’t want my door left open, thanks. 

All bandaged up from all the blood draws 😩

Sansa lovin’ on Mimi Marsha and Soph being helpful, as always 🙄. 

We got discharged on Wednesday with instructions to follow up with Dr. Nichols on Friday. When I took Quinn to see him, the rash was still there but not as prevalent as before. He got the results from the bloodwork and said that the white blood cells indicated that Quinn had a virus, which is most likely what caused the rash, which was not eczema 🙄. He reassured me that I did the right thing by bringing him in, which was really nice to hear as a new mother. The whole ordeal was exhausting but worth it to know that everything was fine with him in the end. The mixed messages about the cause of his rash were beyond frustrating. During both visits to see Dr. Nichols Quinn was weighed and he gained 3 ounces per day in between! Dr. Nichols said they like to see one ounce per day and he is doubling it. Funny coming from the kid who was hospitalized on his fifth day of life for not gaining enough weight! We’ve had our fair share of hospitals stays since he was born so I’m more than done! By the way, if you have to stay in a hospital and have a choice, Reynolds has way better food 😆. 

The most beautiful gift that I have ever received. Thank you, Marsha! Philip took this pic of me and Quinn at the hospital. 

I keep discovering more and more pros and cons to being postnatal; like I can sleep in any position I want now but most of my “before” clothes still don’t fit and I’m sick of wearing my maternity clothes. I can now get on the floor without moaning and groaning but my hormones are still a mess and I can break down and cry because Quinn won’t smile at me like he did someone else. When I feel like all I get done is tending to him and pumping, this motherhood thing can be a pretty thankless job. However, when he does smile at me, it makes my whole world better and all the thoughts of inadequacy go away for a moment. I’ve not wanted pumping to make me feel restricted so I still do whatever I want, I just take my pump with me. I’ve pumped during a ride to the mall a few times and the other night I wanted to enjoy the sunset on the deck so I took it outside. Making my pump game mobile definitely keeps me from feeling tied down. I’ve even taken a few “Pumpies” (pumping selfies😉) to document my journey. I mowed the yard the other day (well, most of it. The hill in our back yard sucks to do when you’re not freshly recovered from a C-section and weak from sparse upper body work in the last10 months 😩) and it felt good to be able to do something I used to do before. I don’t believe in tooting a man’s horn just because he helps care for the baby because hello, it’s his kid and responsibility too, however, I will say that I’m thankful to have a partner who participates so actively in raising our child, which allows me to do the things I want or need to do. I know this is a luxury many women don’t have, which is unfortunate because they all deserve better. 

Pumping on the deck. I wanted to see the sunset...it wasn’t one to miss:

#nofilter

Quinn has been such a happy boy today and Mommy and Daddy have been very productive this weekend, canning two batches of salsa and one pizza sauce with tomatoes fresh from our garden! We will be doing more soon because we have about one bazillion tomatoes still. 

This is my favorite smile in the whole world ❤️

He’s been great while at work. Of course, it helps that there are so many people around who want to hold him 😉. 

This is from a rare moment that he wasn’t being held at work. His pants have actual pockets. What does a baby need pockets for? My maternity pants didn’t have pockets and his does?! There’s something wrong with that. 

He’s getting so strong 💪🏻 and he loves tummy time. 

Soph loves tummy time, too. Notice that Quinn is sucking his thumb and Soph is sucking Philip’s 😂😂

We read him a story every night and some nights he’s even awake for it 😉. 

Quinn has started “talking,” aka babbling, especially to lights and the ceiling fan while he lays in his boppy lounger on the table. That thing is awesome and I’m so glad we bought it. I wish it had a washable case but since it doesn’t we just keep it covered with a blanket. 

The girls have been so great with him, giving him drive by kisses still and protecting him. 

Neither are ever far away. 

In Quinn’s room, listening to the story time book 💜💜

Her guard duties wore her out, she fell asleep on her toy 😂

Watching mom feed Quinn. 


Because Soph is forced to be gentle with Quinn, she takes her aggression out on Sansa 🤭

That’s all for now. He’s been sleeping for an hour already so I need to go to bed myself! Happy Labor Day! I wish all weekends were 3 day weekends 😃.