We had an interesting visitor two weeks ago. I was delivered a summons to appear in court for nonpayment to WVU Medicine for charges related to my miscarriage that happened almost two years ago. If you weren’t a reader then, it was a post from April 2021. You’ll want to catch yourself up. I don’t have the emotional energy to rehash it again. Which, coincidentally, is why I didn’t sure them. I threatened it, and now wish that I had. Instead, I chose to let it go to collections and take the hit on my credit score, or so I thought. I received a bill from them maybe two or three times and then a few collections attempts that I ignored.
I was enraged about the situation, and to make matters worse, the papers were served during nap time. I was putting Asher to sleep and Philip just happened to be on his lunch break. He answered the door and got them. Lucky for the cop because had it just been me present, I wouldn’t have answered. I never do. People can’t expect me to go put on a bra for unannounced visits 😂😂. Anyway, the knocking and the resulting barking, woke Ash up. I was able to put him back to sleep quickly. However, he got too long of a cat nap while I was talking with Philip about who the visitor was, and he woke up right as I was about to nap with Quinn 🙄. He stayed up for an hour before passing back out. My nap window had closed though. So, I was equally as pissed about missing my nap as I was about being served. Way to screw up my day, WVU Medicine!
Anyway…
Parenting three year olds isn’t for the weak. There’s a reason we build up to this stage, because if they came out of the womb this way, we would put them back 😂.
Actually, no we wouldn’t. I wouldn’t. I hated being pregnant. I think back to six months ago and while things are different, I can’t say they’re extremely better with Quinn. From the outside looking in, it probably looks it, but after months of erosion to my sanity, I’m not feeling it. My tolerance for whining, sassing, and limit testing is getting less, not more. Like, the moment the whining starts, I’m immediately triggered. He literally whined one day because he wanted to eat pineapple, but then decided not to because it was sour. He hadn’t even tasted it 🙄. This morning he wanted a pair of jeans out of the dryer downstairs. I went and got him some but he whined that they were too long. I made him get himself another pair. He got a pair that were even longer, but told me they were better 🙄. The unreasonableness is mind numbing. Instead of modeling calm, kind words, I sometimes reciprocate the sass, which benefits no one. It makes Quinn more hostile and me feel like a terrible mom. Later, of course. In the moment I’m too annoyed to reflect.
Honestly, I feel bad for Quinn having to be the Guinea-kid. I’m sure Ash will benefit from my experience with Quinn. At least, I hope so. I want to learn from my mistakes and do better.
When I try to put into words what exactly Quinn does that pushes my buttons, it seems so lacking. It’s never just one thing though, it’s the buildup of repeated limit pushing that puts me over the top. Like when I‘ve just spent 40 minutes putting the baby down for a nap after he wouldn’t let me out of his sight all morning, and then Quinn howls like a werewolf and wakes him up. Or when he starts pulling leaves off of the bush outside and I tell him to stop repeatedly, and he doesn’t, so I tell him if he touches it one more time he’s going inside into to time out, so he boops it with one finger to see what will happen. Or repeating the same word over and over again because he wants something, instead of just asking once. Or arguing with EVERY. $@?&:/!. THING. I. SAY 🤬🤯. I guess I was spoiled living with someone for 20 years who I rarely have disputes with, and even when we disagree, we just have a conversation. We don’t argue or name call or any of that. I don’t know how some of you live your lives like that. It’s exhausting.
While all of this may seem amusing to some of you who don’t live in a toddler world, it really is damaging to my mental health. I struggle with depression and anxiety and my anxiety has been in overdrive lately. It’s been great for the organization of my house, but not for anything else.
Quinn has a rebuttal (that starts with, “Wellllllllll,”) for any request or demand, and a story for any silent moment. It always seems so loud in this house, despite the tv volume being on 1. Literally, it’s on 1. I can’t imagine it being any higher. Quinn is still learning the give and take of conversation and his constant interruptions make it difficult to finish a thought. He pauses when instructed, but it’s rare for Philip and I to talk to each other without Quinn wanting to interject.
I can’t sit on the floor to play with Ash without him using me to stand or Quinn thinking I’m a jungle gym. I despise being climbed on. It’s definitely on my top ten list of things I like the least. I know that he just wants attention and to play, but rough play is not fun to me. He got rowdy with some boys at the library last week and ended up with a smack to his eye. It was an accident and he was fine the next day. He complained a lot that evening, though, about it hurting, so I hope that was a lesson learned. He’s always wanting to play with Asher, but doesn’t realize that knocking him down isn’t fun to Ash. Well, he should be getting that message since he gets in trouble every time he does it, but you’d be surprised how thick a 3 year old’s head can be at times. He’s stubborn as hell when he wants to be. The other night he sat in time out for 20 minutes, with the instructions that he could get out at any point, as long as he came to pick up the balls he threw all over the kitchen. When he finally decided to do it, he cried the entire time. It wasn’t hard, it just wasn’t what he wanted to do.
I took the boys to Dollar Tree last week and Quinn wanted to ride in the top of the cart. I said that was okay, and sat Asher in the bottom. Of course, Ash wouldn’t sit, because now that he can stand, he rarely sits. He was standing, holding onto the side of the cart (their carts are small, I wasn’t worried about him falling out), and Quinn tried pushing Ash’s hands so that he would sit back down. I told him to stop and he kept asking me, “What happens if I don’t?” Obviously, threats followed. But he knows what will happen: he’ll go to time out when we get home, I’ll make him get out of the cart and move Asher up top, I won’t buy him the toy that he wanted, etc. In other words, nothing that he will like. Typing this now, it’s really clear that the intent was literal—he wanted to know what his consequence would be. However, in the moment, it feels as though he’s being super antagonizing, just asking to piss me off 😂. While I do think some of the things he does are done for that purpose (or, rather, to get attention. Because negative attention and positive attention both achieve the same goal), this wasn’t one of them.
I know that Quinn’s question was literal because he takes most everything literal, as that’s the stage of development he is in. If he, say, rips up a piece of paper and I tell him, “Don’t do that,” he will say, “Too late, I already did.” I’m aware of that, obviously, and mean don’t do that again. I guess I should be more clear to avoid that in the future. I’ve told him (jokingly), “I’m gonna knock you out,” when he was getting on my nerves. He responds, “Where? Outside?” He heard me say one day that my face was breaking out. He said something like, “Your bones are coming out of your skin?!” It’s amusing when we use a figurative phrase and he unknowingly points it out.
Thanks to Marsha, Brad, and Chris, Philip and I had a much needed break over the weekend. They kept the boys for us while we went shopping and out to eat. It was great having an uninterrupted adult conversation, and felt so natural doing something we used to do for so many years together. However (you should’ve known there was gonna be a however), the boys’ nap schedule was messed up from the change in routine and Quinn only laid down for about 10-15 minutes (because of course he didn’t want to nap when he was having fun! I get it). He was a NIGHTMARE the rest of the evening. He said he had a good time at Mimi’s house and talked about them all night, he was just overtired and emotional. He ended up going to bed as a punishment because he intentionally hit Asher with the bathroom door. Sometimes I hate having the nap time restrictions that impede on plans but without it, life is so much harder. For everyone. I would rather plan my life around nap time, sometimes missing different events or celebrations, than deal with the crankiness that ensues from missing it.
I’ve come to think of Quinn as Moaning Myrtle in my head because of the way he wakes up. If I’m not in the bed with him, instead of calling my name, or, ya know, just getting up, he lays in there and moans. It’s ridiculous. He wants me to come get him and carry him to the couch. Sometimes I think I hear him moaning, when he’s actually just talking in his sleep. He was talking at full volume, telling an intricate story one day at nap time. I was in the living room with Ash, who had woken up first. I went in to check on Quinn, thinking he was awake, but he wasn’t. He woke up when he heard me leaving. I asked him what he was talking about and he started to answer me, but then said he didn’t know. I asked if he woke himself up from talking and he said, “Yes.” 😂 That is par for the course with that one.
When I’m in bed with him, Quinn is a wake-and-ready-to-shake kind of kid, exactly how I used to be. When I was little, I would wake up one minute before my alarm clock was about to go off, and be ready to jump out of bed. That was many, many years ago 😅 💯. When Quinn sleeps though, he is OUT. He rarely wakes up during the night. Philip is the same, and I used to be also be that way, but now I’m a super light sleeper. Ash is like me now with that. However, Asher takes after Philip in his wake up style. When he wakes up, he needs a while to process what has happened to him 😂. You had better not try to get him out of bed and then put him down. No, be prepared to hold him for the first 10 minutes he’s awake or suffer the consequences of his displeasure.
A lot of good that pillow did 🤦🏻♀️. I woke up to find him in the Asher-sized crevice between the wall and the bed. He didn’t mind, obviously.
For all of my complaints about these kids, there are always as many funny stories to relate.
We have an Apple HomePod that we use to ask Siri about the weather, play music, turn on lights, etc. I was driving to my niece, Kate’s, basketball game a couple of weekends ago, and I wasn’t sure where it was, so I turned on my navigation. The GPS said, “In 10 miles, blah blah blah…” Quinn immediately said, “Hey! How Swiri (Siri) talk to us, she’s at home?”
We (and by we, I mean Philip) installed new light fixtures and smart bulbs in the boys’ room. They’re so much brighter than before, it sometimes feels like runway lights in there. For that reason, I often turn the brightness down and leave them on about 50% each (there are 4 lights total). Quinn has caught on to what percentages mean and doesn’t like when I don’t turn them all of the way on. He’ll tell me, “Tell Swiri to turn my lights to 100%!” Philip programmed it so that we could say, “Make the boys’ room lights bright as heck,” to amuse Quinn, but I couldn’t remember that phrase and kept saying, “Make the boys’ room lights really freakin’ bright.” Quinn keeps saying that now—“Mom, tell Swiri to make my room really freakin’ bright.”
We’ve been working on recognizing letters with Quinn and one method I used was the foam flooring in the basement that has the alphabet on it. He always wants to know a name or word that starts with whatever letter we’re talking about. Additionally, he has been learning the order of names, but thinks everyone’s last name is Eagleson. Or, Eagle-skin, as he pronounces it. He also often thinks people’s middle name is Oliver, like his. Anyway, he has a stuffed animal named Chloe, that looks like Marsha’s dog who passed away, and is named after her. So when we came to the letter E one day, he asked who’s name started with it. I said, “Eagleson starts with the letter E. Do you know anyone who has that last name?” He said, “Yeah. Eagle-skin Chloe Oliver.”
Quinn had a runny nose one day and kept needing to wipe it. Sophie came over and gave his face a good cleaning 🤮 and Quinn said, “Sophie licked my nose! She’s like a tissue!” 🤦🏻♀️😂
Anytime Asher makes a mess, which is like, every 5 seconds, Quinn says, “Mom, look what Asher Cole has done!” 😂
I was explaining how to do an activity that I planned for him and Quinn said, “Okay, I got this.” 😆 I’m sure he learned that phrase from a show he’s been watching. It cracks us up when he picks up new words and phrases.
Another phrase he picked up is, “I’m not teasing you,” but he says in regard to things I wouldn’t expect him to be kidding about. So, he’ll say something like “I’m gonna go change my shirt. Really. I’m not teasing you.” I’m very aware he’s not teasing me because he changes his clothes about 12 times a day 🙄. He was on a kick where he would put on 2-3 pairs of pants and shirts at once and try to trick us into thinking he was only wearing one. We played along and acted surprised when he took off his top layer to reveal another, so he thought he was very clever 😎. Despite creating more loads of laundry, I’m proud of his ability to dress himself in clothes and costumes, put on his socks and shoes, and he can even tie his robe in a simple knot.
Another one he says is, “You’re never going to believe this!,” also in regard to things I would totally believe. My favorite thing that he has started saying is, “You’re my mom and I love you. I think you’re the best mom ever!” I don’t know where he heard that, but I never get tired of him saying it. That’s the only thing though 🤪😂.
I don’t know how I’m going to deal when Asher adds more to the constant chatter in this house. Honestly, he has already started, but I know it will only get worse 😂. He both shakes his head and says, “yes.” He signs for “all done,” and says, “Night night.” He has mimicked what sounds like, “Thank you,” and “Good morning,” too.
Asher’s favorite game is I’m Gonna Get You; he loves being chased. He can crawl pretty fast when he’s excited. Or when he doesn’t want to get his diaper changed 🙄🤦🏻♀️.
He’s an expert eater, capable of feeding himself and anyone ‘fortunate’ enough to be within his reach. Both boys are really good about trying new foods and I can’t think of anything Ash doesn’t like so far. Quinn used to be that way. I’ve found that the best way to encourage healthy eating habits is to lead by example. Imagine that (The more you know🌈). They’re way more likely to want to eat something we are eating.
Asher will be walking anytime now. He can move along with anything light enough for him to push. I was emptying the canister on the vacuum cleaner the other day, so he took the base of it for a stroll across the kitchen 😆. His mobility makes it impossible to keep the floor clean. He has earned his own nickname of Messy Marvin for the way he tears through the house leaving a disaster in his wake. If something can be dumped, Ash will dump it 🤦🏻♀️.
He’s still in his separation anxiety phase, though I think it may be getting better. As long as I’m out of sight, I’m out of mind, usually. Every once in a while, he’ll be playing contently but then he’ll remember I exist and have to come find me 🤦🏻♀️.
We celebrated our last 1st holiday with Asher this week—Valentine’s Day. Well, unless we join a festive cult, or start making up some, the latter of each I’m totally cool with 🙃. Although I’m sad that his babyhood is coming to an end (he’ll be one in two weeks!), I look forward to the next phase. Life gets easier when the baby starts being able to walk (I don’t have to carry him everywhere) and do more for himself. We’ve settled into a routine that allows me to get more done around the house than I used to be able to. He’s already looking older after I had to trim his hair a little bit because his bangs were going into his eyes and bugging him. He has developed so much personality. This is a fun stage because they really start to feel like little people. Not that he wasn’t before, he just has preferences, and a communication style, and quirks now. He makes us laugh when he wants to see something when you’re holding him. He positions his nosy little body in a way where he leans completely past you so be able to see it. He’s such a love bug, and he gives really good hugs. Both of them are very loving and that’s one of my favorite things about them ❤️.
11 months!
Quinn wore that outfit when he was 2. Asher is 11 months 😳.
I think they’re going to be in the same size at some point.
I captured his nosy lean when he was trying to look around me to see his Dad in the kitchen.
He holds on tight!
He loves giving kisses 😘
The activities we’ve done over the last 3 weeks:
Our freezer often gets left open a crack, thanks to *someone* who shall remain nameless, and produces a solid sheet of ice on the bottom. Since the weather hasn’t provided us a chance to use outside ice, I removed the freezer ice, and we painted and chipped away at it with golf tees and hammers.
Ash had some funny faces when he first touched it 😆.
We had to practice building a snowman with wooden spools since the weather didn’t provide the real thing.
Not that I’m complaining 🤪.
I made a new toss box. The other one started to fall apart. I got 8 foam diced from Dollar Tree and taped them together in the shape of a cube. I put clear pouches on each side so I can put seasonal themed movement cards in them.
I made an obstacle course around our house. Quinn started in the living room and went from shape to shape, doing the movement on each sheet: stand on one foot, spin, star jump. He then went to the kitchen and followed the feet while tiptoeing. He had to give the basement door high fives, jump through his room, push Dutton (his rocking dog) from his room through the hallway, and then crawl through a tunnel. It kept him busy for a bit and helped burn some energy off on a cold day.
I inflated tons of balloons, called them cows, and told him they got loose. Both boys chased the balloons and Quinn returned them to their “pen.”
I made lots of new shapes for our felt board. We play a game where one of us puts something in the barn and then we say, “Open the barn, who do you see?” Whatever animal is in there will say, for example, “Moo says the cow, it’s me, it’s me!” It’s our version of the book Little Blue Truck Halloween.
I made Quinn a shape puzzle and cut out the matching pieces from foam.
We practiced counting and recognizing numbers with a valentine theme sensory bin.
Quinn practiced finding, counting, and circling skills with valentine I Spy pages.
He made a valentine craft at Playgroup. The last pic is in response to, “Don’t you dare show me your teeth.” He can’t help but smile 😆.
Both boys played with an edible valentine theme sensory bin yesterday morning. I filled it with heart shaped front loops, scoops, and heart shaped containers. Quinn searched for pipe cleaner hearts that I hid it in.
We played lots of pretend. Pirate,
Ghost buster,
“Worker,” as he calls himself,
And Farmer John. Our friend, John, is a real person and a character in our lives 😂. My friend, Chris found these overalls for Quinn. He was very excited 😊.
I used the picture I took of Pirate Quinn to create a game for Quinn. He had to help Pirate Quinn color the different letters of his name.
He really likes the new (to us) vacuum I got for him at Goodwill for $2 (!)
Folding laundry,
And making himself a sandwich.
Asher also learned to fend for himself, pulling to stand at the cabinet and getting those chips open. They were Buffalo ranch ones. These kids are the only ones I’ve ever known who like spicy food. Quinn loves for Philip to make him “spicy noodles,” that include black vinegar, soy sauce, and sechzuan peppercorns.
Now that he can get in the pantry, the snacks are always on the floor 🤦🏻♀️.
Quinn tried to be a nice big brother and feed Ash some of his popsicle.
But then Ash took it. I laughed so hard 🤣.
I gave Asher his first cup of whole milk, to, hopefully,
start his transition and weaning. I’m beyond done with breastfeeding. He seems to like it! 🤞🏻
Ash started driving like his Aunt Lori when she leaves town 🤣😉. He can push that car all over the place.
He’s doing really well with his balance, often letting go whenever he’s standing by something.
When I hadn’t heard Ash in a minute, I went to check on him. He was playing at the kitchen by himself ❤️. He just goes and does his own thing sometimes.
I went to watch this pretty girl cheer,
And the buys came with me to watch this pretty girl play basketball,
And to watch this baller play, too.
Our 1000 Hours Outside progress:
If it’s sunny out, Quinn thinks that means it’s warm…
Look at how pretty our tracker is 😃. 
And now that’s his favorite place 🤦🏻♀️. 
We’ve been hunting for Big Foot more times than I can count.
It always feels like we just missed him 🤷🏻♀️.
We haven’t found him, but we did find some cardinal feathers 🪶.
Quinn loves chasing geese, despite that fact that they’re not really afraid of him. They just kept kinda waddling away, and he wanted them to fly. He came back to me upset, so I suggested he morph into something scary. He transformed into a werewolf, running at them growling, and that got their wings flapping 😂. 
The latest adventures of Sophie will be told using Sophiemojis 😃🥰😛⚠️🥺🤤☹️😬😵💫😴:
When she had a good dream 😁
When she was feeling lovey 🥰
When she was feeling brave and let her brother sit by her 😛
When she malfunctioned ⚠️
When she wanted her brother to share his snacks 🤤
When she was stuck in the house because she wouldn’t stop trying to steal her brother’s snacks ☹️.
When she stole his bed instead 😬
When she got the zoomies 😵💫
When the zoomies wore her out 😴.
I’ve seen both sides of my extended family the last two weeks, due to unfortunate circumstances. The only time I ever see them these days is when someone dies. The first viewing and funeral was for my grandpa. I didn’t know him very well. I have a few memories from when I was young and visiting him. He lived in a split level house and I can still see the layout of the lower level. I think his second wife didn’t want the kids upstairs with the fragile knickknacks. At the funeral home, I saw lots of pictures of him doing grandpa things with some of my cousins, so he looked like he might’ve been a fun guy. The boys behaved fairly well being quiet, but they got fidgety near the end of the service. They don’t have tablets yet, but this is an instance where one might’ve been helpful for keeping Quinn occupied.
My uncle, who was married to my aunt who was my mom’s sister, also died. My aunt died last year. I spent lots of time with cousins on both sides growing up, and despite the reasons, I enjoyed seeing them the last two weeks. I have/had (some have passed) 8 aunts and uncles + spouses on my mom’s side, and 3 on my dad’s. That makes for a lot of first cousins. Not to mention, my grandma was one of 7 and her one brother, alone, had 12 kids. I have a huge extended family. I’ve been to more funerals than I care to remember. I feel as though (or maybe it’s hope) the funeral industry is changing. I’ve heard many people I know say, and read my obituaries where, they don’t want to have services. I know everyone is different but if I never had to see another lifeless body being displayed again, I wouldn’t be sad about it. I do like the social aspect of the gathering, so I think a celebration of life is a nice ceremony for remembrance. I have a plan for when I die, and it may be illegal, but I want it to be honored anyway 🤣. I want to be cremated and then mixed with fertilizer and everyone who comes to my ceremony must leave with a piece of me in a mason jar, and use me to help make their garden grow. I think that’s the most appropriate way for me to go 🤷🏻♀️.
Grief kind of ebbs and flows forever after you’ve lost someone. Things like attending funerals are sure to remind you of those you’ve lost, regardless of who it’s for. Other things can bring it on, too, like a random scent from a Clorox wipe that smells faintly like the perfume your mom used to wear. I found a new type of Clorox wipes at Dollar General one day. They’re supposed to be paper towel like (shitty ones that rip, apparently) and say they’re jasmine scented. For two days after I used them to clean my bathroom I wondered why I kept smelling my mom anytime I used the sink. When I finally figured it out, Philip and I had an amusing exchange. I told him about how I had kept smelling something that reminded me of her, and I was bummed to know it was the new Clorox wipes that I had used to clean the sink because I didn’t like the material, but now I would have to keep using them anyway. He told me he has never thought that much about Clorox wipes before in his life 😂😂.
Let’s hope there are no more funerals for me to attend in the foreseeable future🤞🏻.
