Motherhood: Month 4.5

This motherhood thing can sure be an emotional rollercoaster some days. I hear you “experienced” moms whispering that I don’t even know the half of it yet. I know you’re right but everyone has to just ease into it, I think. Maybe over time you build up a tolerance for how much you can handle before you have a breakdown. I fall into a very rare category that is a working mom who also takes her child with her to work so I somewhat understand the plight of the stay at home mom who cares for her child most of the time. I’m so fortunate to be able to do that. Although I’m usually at the office, there are days when I have to attend meetings and I can’t take him with me (well, I COULD, but I don’t want to be a distraction. I also don’t like all the attention a baby brings. Everyone wants to talk to you. No thanks 😩). I’ve had several meetings lately and asking someone else to watch him is hard for me. I feel like a burden to others and it really makes me miss my mom because I know that she would watch him any time I needed her to if she was here. I’ve gotten a small taste of what it would be like if I had to send him to a babysitter full-time and I wouldn’t like it. I’ve never wanted to be a stay at home mom but if I had to choose, at this point, I think I would do it. I didn’t like being away from him all day, which surprised me 😂🤷🏻‍♀️. Before having him I had this picture in my head of this clingy child who was far too needy, always wanting to be attached to me and the thought of it repulsed me. Now that I have this real life, beautiful child who does need me but not disgustingly so, I want to be around him all the time. I know this sounds weird but I’m surprised at how much I love him. I’ve had relationships with some people that didn’t work out how I expected and so I am guarded now because loving people leaves you vulnerable. It’s amazing to have such an overpowering love though. So anyway, I love him so much and I spend the day away from him and miss him and when I finally get to pick him up, he has no reaction to seeing me. He took my feelings in his tiny little hand and crushed them😢😝. I’m being a bit dramatic but I really was a little hurt at his non response. However, the next day he was extra fun, he’s begun being really interested in books and likes to chatter to pictures. He’s been blowing raspberries and looks like a bubble machine all the time. He’s still acquiring full control of his hands and likes to bring them up to his face while he’s eating, which knocks the bottle out of his mouth and your hand most of the time, which is frustrating as hell. But he also smiles with his whole face, crinkling his nose and curls his tongue and it’s the most adorable thing in the entire world. See what I mean about this rollercoaster? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m just really grateful to have him, even on the days he stresses me out, which in the grand scheme of things, isn’t really all that often. Luckily I have the best husband and partner ever who does his share and more, lots of days and that eases my stress immensely. I also have the best work peeps who don’t hesitate to help me, ever, along with Kim, Lori, and Linda who have watched him when I had to go to meetings, making leaving him easier because I knew he was being well cared for ❤️.

That may have been a big jumble of feelings and word vomit up there but that’s what having a mom brain does to you 🤷🏻‍♀️.

He loves all the attention he gets at work ❤️. It’s great to see other people interact with him and learn from what they do! 

He loved having cousin Kate read to him 😍. 

In other news, we’ve decided to forego using cloth diapers, not because it was too hard but because they leaked ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. 🤬 Changing his clothes every time he peed was not something we were willing to continue doing. We really made an exhaustive effort, trying over and over again as he grew, thinking they would fit better as his legs got fatter, the place that they seemed to leak constantly. We tried troubleshooting by reading up on how to fix the problem. We change him often. We have 3, maybe 4, different brands of diapers; none seemed to work better than any other. It was frustrating and disappointing. If anyone has any advice I would be open to hearing it but it would take some convincing to get me to want to try again. I care so much about being as least wasteful as I can be so using disposable diapers kills me but worrying about his cloth diaper leaking is too stressful. 

I’m going to pat myself on the back for a sec for having exclusively pumped for over four months now for him. A word of advice, you should turn your phone on do not disturb while you’re sleeping if you’re friends with me or any other new mother (or father!) who is up during odd hours of the night. I mistakenly replied to a group text at 1 something AM the other night that had started after I went to bed. I reacted to a picture Marsha sent, thinking it would only alert her, because I know her phone isn’t next to her when she’s sleeping so it wouldn’t wake her up. Apparently it notified everyone 🤭😬. Oops. I can’t imagine how many get woken up if they get facebook notifications 😳. I was thinking the other day that I’m really glad facebook doesn’t tell people when you screenshot their posts like Snap Chat does. I’d have some explaining to do. I bet you would too 😉. 

Philip and I are proud that we’ve done at least one thing right so far, and that’s establish a good bedtime routine. Most nights Quinn falls asleep on his own right around 7pm. The other night though he was WIDE awake at 7:30 and going strong as 8:00 approached. We didn’t know how he would respond but we took him into our room and laid him down in his bassinet, told him goodnight, and turned out the light. He was out cold in the next couple of minutes. He doesn’t usually fall asleep that easily during the day for naps, for those he likes to fight it out, but he’s great at bedtime 😃. 

Not going to sleep after several bedtime stories 😂. 

After a struggle to get him to sleep during our staff meeting 😂. 

Sophie is still being a first class pain in my ass with her constant need for attention. I say that with love, I swear. Sansa is a great big sister and gives a kiss in passing occasionally but ignores him for the most part. I laid him in his crib to watch his mobile the other day while I got ready for work and I went to check on him a few minutes later and found her laying on the floor by him 🥰. Sophie tries every way imaginable to get to him when he’s doing tummy time and licks any body part she can reach until she gets yelled at or pulled away. She just can’t help herself. I really hope this is a passing phase. I look forward to the days when their roles reverse and he irritates the hell out of her. Again, that’s said with love 😉.

Trying so hard to lick him 😂. 

She just HAD to get on his mat when he was done 🤦🏻‍♀️.

Having enough room is never a problem for her. 

The space behind her is where I was sitting 😂. 

Begging Sansa to save her from the Roomba 😂🤦🏻‍♀️.

That dog wears me out. 

Motherhood: Month 4

I missed his 2 month pic in the chair 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️. 

Quinn is 4 months old already! We’ve had many “firsts” these past two weeks. Quinn rolled over for the first time from his back to his belly…once. He hasn’t done it again 🙄. He rolls to his side often but hasn’t gotten completely over again yet. He had his first Halloween and went trick or treating with his cousins but he didn’t actually participate, of course. He just strolled along in his costume and eventually passed out 😂. He and I made our first solo shopping trip out of town. He was fine on the way up to the Highlands and most of the time shopping. He was hungry in Hobby Lobby so I feed him while pushing the cart, a difficult but manageable task. The really difficult part about shopping with an infant during the colder months is all the crap you have to bring with you: something on his feet, a blanket, diaper bag, beanie, etc. I put his booties on him that we just got on Amazon before we left the house. I bought them because his socks are always falling off and I thought they would stay on better. Wrong. I discovered one was missing when I picked up his blanket to remove him from his car seat to feed him. If I hadn’t been frazzled because there were nine million people around, I might have had the bright idea to look for it in the store. Instead I thought it must be in the car and checked later to discover that it indeed was not. I changed him when we got to Target and had a spare pair of socks, one of which he also lost while shopping. Luckily I noticed before we got too far away from it and was able to find it in one of the aisles. He was fine while shopping, didn’t fuss much at all but as soon as we got in the car to head home he started screaming and didn’t stop. I stopped at Dairy Queen in Moundsville because I was hungry and I thought maybe he was too so I tried feeding him. He was all smiles and coos and didn’t want milk at all. As soon as we got back in the car he started screaming again. That ride was the longest 44 minutes of my life. It’s really hard not to speed when you have a screaming baby in the car with you. He immediately calmed down when we got home and I picked him up and held him. Later that evening I noticed I was missing an earring 🤦🏻‍♀️. I am someone who almost always knows where 99% of the things in my house are and I absolutely hate losing anything. So I can confidently say that our shopping trip was not one of my favorite memories. I did happen to find my missing earring the next day on the floor so I don’t think I ever even made it out of the house with it on. If you’re keeping track, this trip amounted to a missing bootie (still missing), sock (recovered), earring (recovered), and a big portion of my sanity (the verdict is still out). For our next solo trip, which will be far in the future, I will take his carrier and “wear” him, and I hope that will help since he won’t have to spend so much time in his seat. I’m telling myself that was the problem and next time will go much smoother 😉. 

He enjoyed the walk that I “wore” him on. 

Celebrating his achievement 🙂. 

His first Halloween

I didn’t think you’d be able to see his feet 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️  

Trick or Treat!

Sitting like a big boy with Kate and Link 🙂. 

As if that experience wasn’t enjoyable enough (NOT 🤪), he had his 4 month checkup today that included 4 vaccines (3 shots and 1 oral) and I had a very eventful trip to the dentist for a filling (a cavity courtesy of pregnancy. Yay.) His appointment wasn’t too bad, actually. He gained almost three pounds and 2 1/2 inches in 2 months. Dr. Gary commented about how well he is growing, especially considering we were so concerned with his growth in the beginning. His appointment was right around his nap time so he fell asleep while waiting for the nurse to bring his vaccines in, which made her feel extra bad about having to administer them. He screamed at the initial stick but he calmed down pretty quickly. Poor baby. His pouty lip face is the saddest thing you’ve ever seen. His appointment was nothing compared to mine though. I went for my dental cleaning a couple of weeks ago and then booked my appointment for the filling today. At the time of scheduling I was asked if I preferred to have the doctor do my filling or if I would be okay with seeing a dental student. She said if I saw the student, I could get the filling faster, the doctor would inspect the work done, and that the student had been there practicing for quite a while and her work was good. She said there would be a new student in after today and she couldn’t attest to that person’s work. I told her that would be fine but when I got there today, the student doctor wasn’t a woman. That should be been my first clue that today wasn’t going to go as planned. No one ever said but from the outcome of this story, I’m going to assume the new person has arrived and I was his unlucky guinea pig. The entire visit was just a shit show all around and Murphy’s law was in effect. It started off okay, the normal numbing shot that I typically dread wasn’t half bad. That might’ve been the best part 😂. I just kind of stared up at the ceiling trying not to make eye contact because it’s weird and also not focus on what my tongue is doing because then you can’t help but wonder if it’s in a weird position and then move it in the way. I also had to try to concentrate on my breathing so that I didn’t feel the need to swallow every five seconds. The assistant stuck the spit sucker a little too deep into the back of the mouth a few times and it’s lucky for her that I don’t have a more sensitive gag reflex. She also kept coughing and later told me that she has a chest cold, something no one wants to hear coming from a person who is sticking their hands so close to your face🤦🏻‍♀️. After that I couldn’t help but think about whether or not they sanitize the handles on the overhead light that they pull down toward your mouth. The doctor worked in my mouth and then used his contaminated hands to move the light away. He also flipped the little cover on his headlamp thing to change from orange light to bright white light several times. I maybe wouldn’t care if I didn’t have a 4 month old infant that I would like to avoid bringing illnesses home to (Oh who am I kidding, I would care either way 🤷🏻‍♀️). Let’s hope I’m just helping build his immune system and don’t make him seriously ill! Anyway, after an hour and twenty minutes, the experienced doctor came in to check the student doctor’s work and said that there was a void in the filling and it would need to be redone 😩🤬. He started to fix it himself when I told him the numbness was wearing off and I could feel the drill so he numbed me again. In the meantime, another dental assistant had a family emergency and had to leave. Although unavoidable, this left them short-staffed and only added to the experienced doctor’s plate. After two hours my tooth was finally filled correctly but the fun didn’t stop there. He told me my gum will be sore because they had to clamp it so many times but if I have tooth pain to let him know. When I went to leave, the office manager was upset and telling him she was quitting. It was awkward AF. I was 2 hours past my normal pump time at that point so I just left. It’s a good thing I don’t have problems with leaking, the silver lining to this saga. Someone less patient (*ahem*my husband*ahem) would’ve made their day much worse but I stayed calm, even when I wanted to blast the assistant who kept coming in and routing around in drawers for things, being a huge distraction, while the student doctor was working in my mouth. I asked the assistant working with me what the other was looking for when the student went to get the other doctor and she said, “Oh she’s just setting things up for the next patient.” Ummm that’s not okay. That’s not good practice if that’s commonplace. I plan to leave some feedback in one way or another. I’ll have lots of feedback if I get a bill for this debacle, for sure!

He’s growing so much he’s as big as Hulk! 😉

Onto another topic, I recently had bloodwork done for our annual insurance requirement and was told I have high cholesterol 🤦🏻‍♀️. Ugh. Because I’m breast feeding I refused medicine and decided instead to try to improve it through diet. I don’t have a genetic predisposition so it may have been pregnancy related and still hanging around. Do you know what has saturated fat and high cholesterol? Everything that tastes good, that’s what. Blah. 🧀🍔🍟🍪🍩🍰

I was worried that Quinn would have 4 month sleep regression and there’s still time so I’m not counting him out yet, but Sophie has proven to be a worse offender lately. She had graduated to the chair in the living room most nights, only snuggling up with us in our bed if there was a storm and she was scared. Now she’s in our bed almost every night. Not just in our bed but in the middle of us, her butt in someone’s face or her legs pushing against someone’s back 😠. She’s also like a typical toddler who has been dethroned as the baby and has regressed to lots of attention seeking, constantly being everywhere I don’t want her to be. She’s in the way when I’m in the kitchen or in Quinn’s face when I’m trying to sit with him on the couch or wanting outside and then back in and then out again every five minutes. She’s driving me nuts. Lucky for her she’s adorable and I can’t stay mad at her for long. 

She’s so precious....when she’s sleeping 🤪. 

Interrupting Mommy. 

Yep, that’s Sansa’s ear in her mouth 🙄. 

Sometimes there just aren’t any words 🤦🏻‍♀️. 

I know I’ve done nothing but complain this entire entry but it’s not ALL bad. Quinn is a happy baby and his smile is contagious. He’s babbling and cooing all the time, making lots of new sounds. He only gets up once during the night . He would maybe even sleep through but I have to get up to pump anyway and I haven’t been brave enough to leave him sleep because I worry he’ll get up as soon as I’m done and ready to lay back down. To top it all off, I got sick last week and had to stay home from a work a trip I was scheduled to be away on. I talked to a lactation consultant who said that my body will produce antibodies to any illness I get and when Quinn drinks my milk, he gets them and that makes him less likely to catch it. That must be true because he hasn’t gotten anything other than a stuffy nose. I’m glad I didn’t make him sick, that would’ve really kicked my Mom Guilt into overdrive! 

Wish me luck that the next couple of weeks will go by more smoothly! 😉🤞🏻