This motherhood thing can sure be an emotional rollercoaster some days. I hear you “experienced” moms whispering that I don’t even know the half of it yet. I know you’re right but everyone has to just ease into it, I think. Maybe over time you build up a tolerance for how much you can handle before you have a breakdown. I fall into a very rare category that is a working mom who also takes her child with her to work so I somewhat understand the plight of the stay at home mom who cares for her child most of the time. I’m so fortunate to be able to do that. Although I’m usually at the office, there are days when I have to attend meetings and I can’t take him with me (well, I COULD, but I don’t want to be a distraction. I also don’t like all the attention a baby brings. Everyone wants to talk to you. No thanks 😩). I’ve had several meetings lately and asking someone else to watch him is hard for me. I feel like a burden to others and it really makes me miss my mom because I know that she would watch him any time I needed her to if she was here. I’ve gotten a small taste of what it would be like if I had to send him to a babysitter full-time and I wouldn’t like it. I’ve never wanted to be a stay at home mom but if I had to choose, at this point, I think I would do it. I didn’t like being away from him all day, which surprised me 😂🤷🏻♀️. Before having him I had this picture in my head of this clingy child who was far too needy, always wanting to be attached to me and the thought of it repulsed me. Now that I have this real life, beautiful child who does need me but not disgustingly so, I want to be around him all the time. I know this sounds weird but I’m surprised at how much I love him. I’ve had relationships with some people that didn’t work out how I expected and so I am guarded now because loving people leaves you vulnerable. It’s amazing to have such an overpowering love though. So anyway, I love him so much and I spend the day away from him and miss him and when I finally get to pick him up, he has no reaction to seeing me. He took my feelings in his tiny little hand and crushed them😢😝. I’m being a bit dramatic but I really was a little hurt at his non response. However, the next day he was extra fun, he’s begun being really interested in books and likes to chatter to pictures. He’s been blowing raspberries and looks like a bubble machine all the time. He’s still acquiring full control of his hands and likes to bring them up to his face while he’s eating, which knocks the bottle out of his mouth and your hand most of the time, which is frustrating as hell. But he also smiles with his whole face, crinkling his nose and curls his tongue and it’s the most adorable thing in the entire world. See what I mean about this rollercoaster? 🤷🏻♀️ I’m just really grateful to have him, even on the days he stresses me out, which in the grand scheme of things, isn’t really all that often. Luckily I have the best husband and partner ever who does his share and more, lots of days and that eases my stress immensely. I also have the best work peeps who don’t hesitate to help me, ever, along with Kim, Lori, and Linda who have watched him when I had to go to meetings, making leaving him easier because I knew he was being well cared for ❤️.
That may have been a big jumble of feelings and word vomit up there but that’s what having a mom brain does to you 🤷🏻♀️.
He loved having cousin Kate read to him 😍.
In other news, we’ve decided to forego using cloth diapers, not because it was too hard but because they leaked ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. 🤬 Changing his clothes every time he peed was not something we were willing to continue doing. We really made an exhaustive effort, trying over and over again as he grew, thinking they would fit better as his legs got fatter, the place that they seemed to leak constantly. We tried troubleshooting by reading up on how to fix the problem. We change him often. We have 3, maybe 4, different brands of diapers; none seemed to work better than any other. It was frustrating and disappointing. If anyone has any advice I would be open to hearing it but it would take some convincing to get me to want to try again. I care so much about being as least wasteful as I can be so using disposable diapers kills me but worrying about his cloth diaper leaking is too stressful.
I’m going to pat myself on the back for a sec for having exclusively pumped for over four months now for him. A word of advice, you should turn your phone on do not disturb while you’re sleeping if you’re friends with me or any other new mother (or father!) who is up during odd hours of the night. I mistakenly replied to a group text at 1 something AM the other night that had started after I went to bed. I reacted to a picture Marsha sent, thinking it would only alert her, because I know her phone isn’t next to her when she’s sleeping so it wouldn’t wake her up. Apparently it notified everyone 🤭😬. Oops. I can’t imagine how many get woken up if they get facebook notifications 😳. I was thinking the other day that I’m really glad facebook doesn’t tell people when you screenshot their posts like Snap Chat does. I’d have some explaining to do. I bet you would too 😉.
Philip and I are proud that we’ve done at least one thing right so far, and that’s establish a good bedtime routine. Most nights Quinn falls asleep on his own right around 7pm. The other night though he was WIDE awake at 7:30 and going strong as 8:00 approached. We didn’t know how he would respond but we took him into our room and laid him down in his bassinet, told him goodnight, and turned out the light. He was out cold in the next couple of minutes. He doesn’t usually fall asleep that easily during the day for naps, for those he likes to fight it out, but he’s great at bedtime 😃.
Not going to sleep after several bedtime stories 😂.
After a struggle to get him to sleep during our staff meeting 😂.
Sophie is still being a first class pain in my ass with her constant need for attention. I say that with love, I swear. Sansa is a great big sister and gives a kiss in passing occasionally but ignores him for the most part. I laid him in his crib to watch his mobile the other day while I got ready for work and I went to check on him a few minutes later and found her laying on the floor by him 🥰. Sophie tries every way imaginable to get to him when he’s doing tummy time and licks any body part she can reach until she gets yelled at or pulled away. She just can’t help herself. I really hope this is a passing phase. I look forward to the days when their roles reverse and he irritates the hell out of her. Again, that’s said with love 😉.
Trying so hard to lick him 😂.
She just HAD to get on his mat when he was done 🤦🏻♀️.
Having enough room is never a problem for her.
The space behind her is where I was sitting 😂.
Begging Sansa to save her from the Roomba 😂🤦🏻♀️.
That dog wears me out.
No comments:
Post a Comment