🥷 🥷 they got matching ninja pajamas. Quinn’s actually fit, he had just been doing his moves and got them all worked up 😅.
We have so much going on, I’m not even sure where to start. Everything feels so big, but we just have to take it day by day. Before I get into the Big-Big, I think I’ll start with the usual.
Quinn has had many reteaching moments lately, seemingly haven forgotten pretty much every rule to living in this house 🙄. I’m cautiously optimistic that we might be making headway, but it really just depends on the day.
His two most often committed offenses are playing too rough with Ash, and using unkind words with me. To be fair, Ash does his share of rough play, so it’s not all on Quinn, but he’s the oldest, so the expectations are different for him. We’ve been trying to get them to pretend fight, and not actually touch each other. There’s less room for injury that way. Quinn needs a lot of work on that in general, not just with Ash. Anytime an older boy is present (that he knows), he can’t keep his hands to himself. He thinks they all want to wrestle and fight. I’ve told him he’s going to be the kid no one wants to play with because he doesn’t respect others’ boundaries. We haven’t seen my nieces and nephews too much the last couple of months, and that’s mostly due to their busy schedules, but it’s also because Quinn won’t leave Lincoln alone while we’re there. It’s frustrating as hell when you think you’re finally going to be able to have an adult conversation, but you can’t because your kid won’t quit his shit and needs redirected every five seconds 🙄.
He’s been fairly consistent with his sporadic limit tests; I never know when they’re coming, but they always do. Some days he uses his manners, tells me he loves me about a billion times, and behaves well, for the most part. Other days, he intentionally does things he knows he isn’t allowed to do, like pushing Ash, or jumping on the furniture, or telling me, “No,” when I tell him to go to time out 😑. None of that goes over well, of course. It amuses me when he suggests punishments for himself, almost as a way to connect. He’ll be like, “If I do that again, you’ll probably take my costumes. I won’t be able to pick any shows on tv either.” I’m like, “Yep,” even though I wasn’t really ready to take it that far.
On the way home from the library yesterday, he said he didn’t want to go to gymnastics. When I asked why, he didn’t have much of an answer. He had asked if we could go to Wendy’s, like we usually do, and I told him we could. He wouldn’t stop bugging me about skipping gymnastics and was getting on my nerves. I told him he made a commitment to go and he needed to go if he wasn’t sick. I reminded him he always says he has fun, too. He came up with his own deal to convince himself to go. He said, “How about you tell me if I don’t go to gymnastics, we can’t get Wendy’s. Then I’ll want to go because I really want to get Wendy’s.” 😂🤦🏻♀️ Alright then. He’s much more creative at the art of negotiating. I tend to go straight for the ‘you have no choice’ route, rather than appeasement.
Quinn told Philip one day, after he jumped on the couch, that he (Quinn) was going to have to sit on the floor. I felt the need to clarify because I wasn’t sure if Philip was aware of my reasoning for that rule. It may sound harsh to think I’m just making my kids sit on the floor, but that’s only if they don’t use the furniture correctly. He had jumped on the couch numerous times one day, after being repeatedly told to stop, so I made him sit on the floor for a bit. I told him he wasn’t going to sit on the couch if he couldn’t do it properly. That obviously stuck with him 😅. Now it never takes more than one warning to get him to stop, if he even tries it. Our couch is old, it will break. I’m not buying new furniture because he wants to be a ninja on it 🤷🏻♀️. He has a perfectly good floor bed that he is allowed to jump and flip and butt bounce on. The couch is a no.
He and I are both struggling with our emotions lately. Not that this is new, but they’re running on high at the moment. Whining is a huge trigger for me. Instead of feeling sympathetic, I’m instantly annoyed. I bet there’s not one person who likes being told to calm down, especially with attitude and through gritted teeth. When children are upset, it’s the adult’s job to share their calm, not join the chaos, but what do you do when you’re all out of calm? While I believe firmly in breaking archaic stereotypes about children being seen and not heard, allowing them (especially boys) to show emotions, and have opinions, it’s not easy. He’s been doing this baby voice, which drives both Philip and me crazy. We refuse to answer him when he asks for anything while talking like that. He has been extra physically clingy, too, and I know I’ve talked before about how overstimulating that is for me. My first instinct is to move away. I have to consciously remind myself to take a breath and think about what his needs may be in that moment. That usually helps me to relax for a minute and try to defuse the situation instead of recoiling from all of the touching. I think Quinn’s love language is physical touch though, and that’s really hard for me. Even when he’s in time out, when I go in to talk to him, he’s often trying to scoot his body closer to me, he sometimes even grabs my hand. He was trying to tap my leg the other day while I was talking about the incident that preceded him being in trouble, and it just sent me over the edge. I told him to stop touching me because I was annoyed with him and didn’t want to be touched right then. While he, for sure, needs to work on respecting other people’s boundaries, I need to work on trying to be more physically affectionate.
Quinn is very into drawing right now, which makes me happy for two reasons: 1) Philip and I are both artistic and I have a few creative bones in my body, so I like seeing that he inherited some of those traits, and 2) he’s typically pretty quiet while he’s doing it 😂. He does ask me to come look at what he’s drawn or written sometimes, but he usually stays focused on his work. Riding in the car has the opposite effect. It’s like the moment he knows we’re going somewhere, he has about a million things to say. It starts while I’m trying to get everyone out the door, and continues during most of the drive. Unless we go out of town. They’re both likely to sleep on long car rides. I can’t say I have never considered a trip to the mall just to have some peace before 😅.
He said he drew a werewolf
Sometimes Quinn is perceptive and can tell when I’m overwhelmed and I start giving him short answers or acknowledgements. He will then say, “Can we take a break from talking, please?,” as if I’m the one driving the conversation. He told me one day, after I replied, “Yes, please, let’s do that,” that all I needed to do was tell him I wanted a break 😂. Noted.
When I’m not overstimulated, we have some funny conversations in the car sometimes. Just the other day he asked,
“Mom, is Batman real?”
Me: “No, he’s just pretend.”
Quinn: “Well, was that Grinch real or was it just a costume?”
Me: “Which one?
Quinn: “The one at the center.” (Over two months ago)
Me: “Hmm I’m not sure. What do you think?”Quinn: “Well he said he was really hot because he’d been wearing that costume for a long time. So I think he’s real.”
Me: “Oh ok” 😅.
Quinn: “So if the grinch is real then Batman is real and you were wrong.”
That is not the direction I would’ve gone with the conclusion, but okay 😂.
He loves telling me I’m wrong. Philip and I talked about how that’s going to get him in trouble at school one day. I gave him permission to say it in a certain instance. I was painting my toenails the other day, and he asked if I would paint his fingernails. I told him I would, but that there are some people who think painting fingernails is just for girls. I said that I disagree with those people and think anyone can do it. I told him if someone said that to him, it’s okay to tell them he thinks they’re wrong 🤷🏻♀️.
💜 🩵
He’ll have no problem offering his opinion, he has plenty of those. He told me I was being unreasonable because I wouldn’t let him have candy before breakfast 🙄. I did allow it on Valentine’s Day, and he kept saying he couldn’t believe I was letting him do that 😅. His class had a Valentine’s Day party and Ash and I got to go. I asked Quinn as I was taking him to school if he knew that Ash and I would be coming later to his party, and he said, “Why? I don’t need you.” 😅. Alright then. I told him I knew he didn’t need me, but I could come, if he wanted me to. He said he’s really brave, but we wanted me to come anyway. After it was over and we were on our way home, he told me he was glad I came. I was glad I came, too, because there were a few kids whose parents couldn’t make it and I was sad for them.
We made Valentines on the day of and when I asked who they were for, Quinn said his was for Sophie and Ash said his was for Quinn 😂. Peep baby Quinn in the bottom left corner 🥺🥺.
They had a regular class day for the first two hours, and then had their party for the last hour. One of his teachers told me that they played a game, basically Hot Potato but with a heart, I think, and whoever had the heart whenever the music stopped got to dance in the center of the circle of kids. She said Quinn didn’t want to dance when it was his turn, which didn’t surprise me at all. I was worried he may not give out his valentine cards because that activity had a similar structure. The kids sat in a big circle with their boxes in front of them, and then they each took a turn handing out their cards. Quinn said he didn’t want to do it, but then I told him I would walk with him, so he agreed.
Of course he went to his party dressed as Hulk 😆.
He’s much braver when I’m not around to offer him comfort. When I’m an option, he will hardly do anything by himself. He won’t even go over to the neighbor girls’ house to play, opting to always ask them to come here instead. He’s been over there before, I don’t get it.
The week before last, his schedule got flipped around for one of his school days, and I was nervous it was going to be an issue. Because his gymnastics class had to be canceled on Tuesday and rescheduled for Thursday afternoon, his teacher offered to let him come to morning school so that he could go to the gymnastics class afterward. I gave him the option, and he agreed with no thoughts about it 🤷🏻♀️. I made sure he knew that he wouldn’t be going with his usual classmates, and he was fine with it. He even ended up doing a different gymnastics class because it was immediately after his school was over. That class has younger kids in it, and one of the moms said he did a good job showing the younger ones what to do 🥰.
That day went well on his end but I was a hot mess. I didn’t confirm the start time for morning class, thinking I knew, and he ended up being half an hour late 🤦🏻♀️. I had planned to take Ash to the store after dropping Quinn off, so when it dawned on me at 8:45 that his class likely started at 8:30, instead of 9:30, I texted his teachers and hurried to get myself ready. I didn’t have time to shower, so I did a quick wipe down sink bath. Quinn came in the bathroom while I was doing that and asked me, “Why are you washing your penis?” 😂😂😂 🤦🏻♀️.
Both boys have incorrectly classified me, actually. Ash came into my bedroom after I showered one day, and I was looking for clothes to wear. He took one look at me, and said, “Naked boy, too!” He wanted me to help him take his clothes off, so could be be a naked boy….like me 🫠 😑.
He’s no longer allowed to be a naked boy after the shenanigans he pulled the other day. I was laying on the couch with him, hoping he would nap with me, because I hadn’t slept well the night before. I must’ve drifted off at some point and was awoken by Quinn yelling, “Mom! Ash took off his diaper!” Not only did he take off his diaper, he removed the contents of it and then peed on the floor. I found him with two handfuls of shit, alongside a shit handprint on the ottoman 🤬😭. Thank goodness it has a cover on it 🙌🏻. I tried just wiping and then washing his hands, but he had so much residual stink that I had to bathe him 🤦🏻♀️. He knows how to take his pants off, but until he jumps head first into the defiance stage, telling him he has to keep them on has been working 🤞🏻.
Ash is the king of mess making at the moment. He likes to dump containers of toys over his head, driving me crazy. Quinn hates cleaning up and always complains about it… until I tell Ash to do it, and then suddenly Quinn wants to volunteer to do it for him 🙄🤦🏻♀️. I usually tell him he’s not allowed, unless it’s a mess that he helped make. It would be easier (and much faster, of course) for Quinn or me to clean them up, but that doesn’t teach them anything. Quinn will tell me a mess is too big for him to clean up by himself, and if that’s true (which it almost never is) I will help him. Otherwise, I tell him, “If you don’t want to clean up big messes, don’t make big messes.”
Honestly, Quinn is pretty good about only getting out what he wants to play with, and he even puts it away when he’s finished about 50% of the time. When I say away, I mean like back in the container it came out of, not away as in back in his room 🙄. At this moment, every pair of jeans Quinn owns are strewn throughout the house, on the floor in 3 different rooms. Why? I have no idea. Ash wears clothes so infrequently and typically for such short amounts of time, he has a pile of clothes that I can’t decide what to do with. They’re not quite clean but also not dirty. I’ve tried implementing a designated spot, which, admittedly, isn’t a great solution, for Quinn to put any clothes he takes off, but they rarely make it there unless I see him take them off and tell him to put them there 🙄.
Ash asks for help taking his clothes off, but then often gets mad when you finish the task. He’ll say, “Asher turn!” He’s been referring to himself in third person for a few weeks now, which amuses us. Anytime he sees his reflection—in a mirror, in a window, in the dishwasher door—he says, “Asher in there!” The other day, he gave very specific directions when he told Philip, “Dada. Chicken fries at table. Asher. Hungry boy.” 😂. He has no problem asking for help when it comes to eating. He told me the other morning, “Mama! Help me eat cereal!” He’s been using longer phrases, something I’m equally delighted and disappointed about 😂. He will tell
Philip something and then come find me, and tell me he told him 🫠🤣. He’ll say, “Mama! Tell Dada, hungry boy!”
My sanity stands no chance against these two. Ash has already started arguing with me. He’s like, two years, ahead of schedule in that department 😩. We came out of the library yesterday and walked into the parking lot. Ash let go of my hand and went toward a vehicle. I told him, “Come here, that’s not our car.” He told me, “Is our car!,” as he put his hand on the tire. We repeated this transaction two more times before I snatched him up 🙄🤦🏻♀️.
Aside from his occasional tantrums, we still find most of what he does super cute and amusing. It’s hard to believe he’s going to be two in two weeks. My SIL is about to have a baby, and I see other moms out with their cuddle bugs, and I momentarily have a flash of baby fever. However, life is so much easier now that the boys are older. We decided we were done after Ash anyway, and I already had my tubes removed during my C-Section. However, I had an even more permanent procedure done last week that further disabled my baby factory. My OBGYN performed an ablation, which basically destroys the lining of the uterus, making it uninhabitable. Consequently, this stops any future periods. Usually. It has an 85% success rate. I wanted one because I had super irregular periods, which were always a not fun surprise. They would stop and then come back, a change that happened after I had Ash. Alblations are often recommended for controlling heavy bleeding, too. Sometimes the surgery works to just make periods lighter, which is great, too. However, if mine don’t fully disappear, I will be completely pissed 😆. January marked 25 years of periods for me, I.AM.DONE. Done.
My doctor asked me if I would be interested in using birth control to help control them, to which I told her not at all 😅. I’ve tried almost every type of birth control there is over the years, and I’ve always felt as though it worsens my depression. That’s why I chose to have my tubes removed, so that it wouldn’t be an issue going forward. She said my insurance would question that, and that’s why she asked. Her answers must have been sufficient, because insurance did cover the majority of the cost. I was able to negotiate a lower cost for the remainder of the bill, too. They’re very easy to work with.
The procedure was fast, I think I was only in the OR for less than an hour. I’m not positive because of the anesthesia, of course. My friend, Kim, drove me while Philip stayed home with the boys. Quinn said that’s what he wanted but then when Kim came to pick me up, he tried to switch things around 😅. I had a good day with my friend, and had a break from my kids, even if surgery had to be involved to do it 😂.
They told me I would likely bleed and be crampy for the first 48 hours, and could have bleeding or watery discharge for up to two weeks. I didn’t bleed at all and the cramps were manageable. She prescribed me 800mg ibuprofen, which I only took that first evening. The cramps were uncomfortable, but my miscarriage was 100x worse. I don’t regret doing it at all. Honestly, the worst part was that I bit my lip during surgery and now, 5 days later, it is still slightly numb 🥴. It’s lessening every day though, so I expect it to be back to normal within the week.
So, I took the children with me to my pre-op appointment. I figured since I wouldn’t be getting undressed, there shouldn’t be anything awkward to discuss. I underestimated the curiosity of my oldest child. Rookie mistake, I know. He was restless from waiting and kept fidgeting with the feet rests on the seat. I told him to leave them alone. He asked me what they were for. Repeatedly. 🙄. I was trying to be vague but honest. I’m not even entirely sure about what I said because I was not prepared 😅. Also, I had no idea he had that damn mask until we got inside the doctor’s office and were waiting to be seen 🤦🏻♀️.
There’s a finality to having had the ablation done, knowing I’ll 100% never grow another baby (it wasn’t gonna happen anyway, iVF would’ve been the only option and that shit is expensive 😅), but I know I would never want to. I hated being pregnant. Not to mention, there’s freedom in knowing you’re done having kids. You don’t have to wait or save things because of, “who knows?,” or “what ifs?”
That’s not the only big life decision we’ve made recently 😅. I mean, if you make one, why not just make another, right? After almost 18 years, we’ve decided to move. While we love our neighborhood and location, our house is just way too small.
Let me tell you about my husband. We’re buying a new house because he wants to make me happy. That’s it, that’s the reason. Okay, we also need a bigger house, but that’s the main reason for doing it now. He’s been working so hard on bettering himself, by taking charge of his health (he’s lost over 40 pounds and was able to stop taking his blood pressure medicine) and working toward goals. When he asked me what my goals were, I didn’t have a well thought out answer. Most of the time, I’m focused on surviving the day 😅. I have a vague plan to rejoin the workforce once Ash goes to school in 2.5 years, but that was about it. My fitness plans had been put on hold by the mono dx. While spleen rupture feels like an unlikely occurrence, it seemed irresponsible to continue putting myself at risk, especially as the primary care provider for the children. Anyway, Philip then asked me if I had anything I wanted to do, like traveling, for example. That’s something we enjoyed before having children, but obviously it’s harder (and more expensive) to do now. Unsatisfied with my answers, he asked me if I could do anything and money wasn’t an object, what would it be. I didn’t have to think too hard about that because I already knew the answer: buy a bigger house. We currently only have two bedrooms, and the biggest, which is the one the boys share, connects the circle that makes navigating around our house easier. While they don’t care about this right now (running the circle around the house is a favorite pastime), I know they will one day. Growing up, I also had a bedroom with a design flaw that required people walking through it to get to my mom’s bedroom and a bathroom. I hated it so much, I asked for a hallway to be built as part of my Christmas wishlist for many years. That never happened, and I had to stick it out until my brother moved out when I was 16, and then I took his room. Anyway, that was a consideration, but also, I feel like I don’t have any space in this house that is just mine. I have my desk and my craft supplies are stored in the shelves of the sofa table, but they are located in the living room and lack the ability for me to decorate the space how I would like due to being in front of huge floor to ceiling windows. A bigger shared living space would be nice, too, so that the children can be noisy away from me 😅. Wishful thinking, I know.
Philip was surprised by my answer, I think. I hadn’t shared my desire for a bigger house with him because he has always wanted to move away, to somewhere warmer. This has been a subject of contention for us because I don’t want to move away. My support system is here, and I feel as though I would struggle even more with my mental health by leaving. We discussed this, and he agreed that this is where we should stay. So, we went to an open house the very next day 😅. He started a mortgage application the day after that, and in two weeks, we’ll be closing on a house. I don’t know if I should say that time has passed so quickly, or so slowly. In the grand scheme of things, it has all happened pretty fast. However, the days are achingly long when you’re waiting for the person who can change your whole life to accept an offer. We’ve been negotiating with the sellers, and the process has been kind of frustrating. We have it all sorted now though. As an anxious cleaner/organizer, I started packing right away 😅. The basement was in a ‘needs to be sorted either way’ condition, so that’s where I did the most. However, we’ll be selling our house at some point in time (not right away), so I’ve also been working on patching nail holes, and painting trim, trying to make it look nicer, something I didn’t care enough to do for us 😅.
I figure I might as well go ahead and announce the third big decision I’ve made, which is that I’m quitting managing the farmers market. Well, that’s not entirely true, as I’ll be helping out through the transition. It’s a good thing I’m handing it off because thinking about anything else while you’re possibly moving is pretty much impossible. That’s not why I’m doing it though. I decided at the end of last season that I was done. I informed everyone after our last indoor market in November. Because that was a time of mental instability for me, my predecessor was concerned I may change my mind. I assured her I wouldn’t. I knew way before I told anyone that I didn’t want to continue doing it. My children made last season difficult for me, at least until Philip was able to start leaving early on Thursdays to keep them. It’s silly to think that you can get burnout from doing a job that is only 5 hours a week after the preseason, yet here we are 🤷🏻♀️. I know I’m no longer the right person to help make the market grow, and that’s what’s important. I care about the market and I want to do what’s best for the vendors. My friend, Megan, will be taking over. I think we’re going to work well together this season as she learns to take the reins, and I think she’ll do a great job overall.
So, that’s it. That’s all of the big news I have. Check back in two (probably 3 😉) weeks. Who knows what I’ll have to say then 🙃.
Here’s what else we’ve been up to:
We’ve been working on practicing recognizing and matching letters.
Quinn was really proud of the letter Q he made out of blocks.
I tried to include Ash in a looking for letters activity, but he just kept telling me what superhero was represented in each letter 😅
He’s been copying Quinn and wanting to draw every time Quinn does. He scribbled on the white board with a red marker and told me, “Mama! Look! Morphle!” Morphle is, in fact, red.
What was supposed to be snow painting, turned into squirting each other with colored water 🤦🏻♀️.
Dad helped keep them busy with some more cool waffle block creations
And I had to DIY some new costume parts: a Thor mask made from foam (because the plastic one that came with his costume got stepped on and broken 😑) and a second Cap shield because we only had one and that was the only toy anyone wanted to play with 🙄. My printer and stash of cardboard for recycling for the win!
We’ve finally gotten some hours outside!
When the high was near 60° a few weeks ago, I put the boys to work washing all of the road ick off my car. Ash decided it was also warm enough to jump in the puddles we created in the driveway 🙄🤦🏻♀️. He was C•O•M•P•L•E•T•E•L•Y soaked.
We got to visit the ‘blue park’ on a rare warm day. They had so much fun running around 😊.
We went again today, and this is how they kept going down the slide 🙄🤦🏻♀️.
We took our super cool, super messy kinetic sand outside to the sensory table. It’s been a big hit with most of the neighborhood kids, who’ve gotten to play with it a few times. Quinn was showing me he made a heart shape with the boxes.
One of their favorite things to play is chase the werewolf. Ash pretends to shoot Quinn and says, “Got him!” 😅. In case you’re wondering, yes, that’s a bathrobe Quinn is wearing. He wore it to Target last weekend and when Philip took him in the restroom to pee, he said an older man gave Quinn a double take 😂.
He wore his Batman one over his ninja costume today on our walk and then to ride his bike.
He spends much of his time wearing that ninja suit.
Once they got a taste of being outside again, I’ve not been able to contain them these few warm but not super warm days 🥴. Kim dropped off some boxes for me, so I figured I’d use them to start boxing up the contents in our building, since the boys were making me be outside. I was doing that when I heard Ash yelling. I came out to find him like this ⬆️, saying, “Stuck! Stuck!” 🤦🏻♀️.
We got to watch my talented niece play with her OG travel team, now that the middle school season is over.
This is how we do story time at the library now, for some reason 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️.
Quinn’s favorite place to go is the cafe at Sam’s Club 😂. I swear he saves up his hunger because he eats like a bird most days, but suddenly, when we go there, he has room for an entire full sized soft pretzel, some pizza, and frozen yogurt, which he thinks is ice cream 🤦🏻♀️.
Actually, anywhere with ice cream tops his list pretty high. For years, all he ever ate was plain vanilla. Once he tried my fav, Birthday Cake Remix, at Coldstone, he’s been more willing to branch out. He still says that’s his “best,” though 😂, meaning favorite. They don’t have that at DQ, so he got an Oreo something something blizzard, while I got a chocolate chip cookie dough. He made sure to repeatedly tell me that his was better than mine 😆. That’s fine, because he thinks he’s entitled to everyone’s ice cream. I prefer if he doesn’t like mine 😂.
Life will be a lot different without these 4 fighting with each other every week 😅. I caught a rare moment where everyone was getting along as they all played with play doh.
We got to hang with our other neighbor friends today, and Carlowe couldn’t help checking out our doorbell 😅. It cracked Megan and me up to see his little face on the notification on my watch.
Sophie PUPdate 🐾:
This. Dog.
I had just been at Playgroup, talking to Mollie about how Sophie knocks all of the cushions off of “her” chair and this is what I came home to 🙄🤦🏻♀️🤬.
She doesn’t mind using me as one though 🙄. I was laying in Quinn’s floor bed with him and she saw an opportunity, I guess.
I hate when my wrinkles block my vision, too. 😆.
She’s still the biggest baby in this household 💯.
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