Why We Stopped Paying to Be Underwhelmed

We recently did something we that used to be a norm, but now I could probably count on my hands how many times we do it in a year: ate out at a sit down restaurant.

We are an ingredients household, for the most part, and have been for several years. Way before it was a trend. I don't even follow things like that, so it's the luck of the algorithm that I even know that's a thing. Anyway, we do have some pre-packaged things that the kids eat, but Philip and I rarely eat any of that (I would love it if the kids didn't eat that stuff either, but we can't win them all). We stock so many staples that pretty much anything that we want to eat is available to make.  This system is certainly made easier by our lifestyle--one parent who stays at home, one parent who works remote (so no travel time), and no kids in sports (yet), so we are able to to make it work. But I have a whole list of other reasons why we don't eat out very often: 

1. Prior to this stage of life (children being 6.5 and almost 4), eating at restaurants with kids wasn’t fun. We occasionally go to Chinese, and that usually goes okay because of the instant gratification of the buffet, but actually having to order and wait equated to impatience and whining, which isn’t fun for anyone. 
2. I'm decent at cooking and Philip is pretty phenomenal and we can make just about anything we would choose to order at a restaurant, at home, andddd it will likely taste better. 
3. It will also have less calories because we’re not deep-frying anything here because I absolutely hate the smell. You could argue that that is a reason it won’t taste better than at a restaurant, but we don’t really eat foods that would taste better deep fried on the regular, so I guess it doesn’t matter. 
4. Eating out is super stupid expensive! We ate at two sit down restaurants, costing us $150 between the two, and one only was kinda worth it. 

Last month, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings when they were packed, so we had to wait quite a while on our food, but it wasn’t the worst. The boys did okay during the wait, and Quinn even tasted my parmesan garlic chicken sandwich, said he liked it, and ate half 🤯. Now, this was, of course, after saying he didn’t like his own food that HE CHOSE 🙄. So there’s reason number five: 

5. Children will choose to order foods that they eat every friggin day but then won’t eat it because the fries are too potatoey, or the chicken tenders aren't the right shape of chicken, or the breading has a crunchy end, or any other nonsense they can think of.  Money wasted.

However, despite Quinn reneging on his order, the experience was mostly positive because he tried something new, and they both sat patiently and didn’t act like wild animals. Quinn liked the garlic parm sauce so much that I bought a bottle of it and he will now eat it on chicken 🙌🏻. Anything that lengthens the list of foods Quinn will eat is a win in my book. 

A few weeks later, our outing lead us to Olive Garden, which used to be a favorite. I loved their lasagna and Alfredo, so the tour of Italy is usually my pick, and it’s Philip’s, too. He ordered it, but I had just had some creamy pasta the day before, so I went with just straight lasagna. Quinn got a second meal he didn’t like for the same reason as before (nonsense), and Ash got a pizza that was too cheesy 🙄. If not for the breadsticks, they would’ve starved. Olive Garden salad used to set the bar for me, their dressing was my absolute favorite. My tastes have changed though, and while it was good, I’ll take Ken’s Zesty Italian over it any day. I rolled my eyes about Ash’s reason for not eating his pizza, but I also complained about my lasagna having too much cheese 😂. That is in stark contrast to the man beside us who answered, “As much as humanly possible,” when asked if he’d like freshly grated parmesan on his food. My answer to that was, “No, thank you,” which I feel as though the servers always have a hard time accepting 😂. The amount of marinara sauce makes or breaks it for me, and there definitely wasn’t enough for my liking. I could've asked for more, but I didn't bother. I brought half of my lasagna home and ate it the next day with my own additional sauce. Truthfully, the lasagna that we make tops Olive Garden's. It's a pain in the ass to make, but it's worth it!

If I ever had any FOMO surrounding dining out, it has been quelled. Our recent experiences gave us an adequate reminder of why we don’t do that more often. I do have Wendy’s every couple of weeks because burgers are my favorite food in the entire world and Wendy’s does burgers right by me 🤤. We also love Sam’s Club cafe pizza and brownie sundae. If Defelice Pizza was in town, I'd definitely have it more often. I miss when Garfield’s existed at the mall. I loved that place. Aside from those, I’m not really that interested in frequenting any big chain establishments. The prices alone make me wonder how half of these subpar places are still in business!

Who needs restaurants when I can have a blueberry pie stuffed waffle right at home?

I can turn my sourdough bread into pizza anytime I want. 

Mother/Son Valentine Dance 2026

I wasn't sure if the boys and I would be attending the 6th annual Mother/Son dance hosted my N.M. Parks and Rec. We didn't make it long last year, mostly because the timing is bad for us. It starts at 7:30pm and bedtime is 8:00 at our house. I don't really have a problem with extending bedtime to accommodate special events, but 1. they truly just can't hang long, and 2. staying up later doesn't equal sleeping in longer the next morning, and then they're just grumpy all day 😑. We did it anyway, though. I asked the boys if they wanted to go, before buying tickets, and Quinn said no, but Ash said yes. Obviously, I couldn't just buy a ticket for Ash, because I knew Quinn would change his mind. A few days later, he asked if he could still go, and I told him I already bought him a ticket. He was excited and started talking about what he was going to wear. I told him that events like this are special, and it would be nice if he would agree to wear dress clothes. He was all for it and ended up wanting to buy a suit 😂. Finding one to fit him wasn't easy because he's so thin, pants lengths are difficult to get right. Philip and I measured him and I chose the one that hit the most sizing categories. We got lucky with one that fit perfectly!

As soon as he got it, that's all he wanted to wear. I'm not surprised that it ended up being like another costume to him. 

He even wore it to Sam's Club the weekend before the dance, but after that I told him he needed to let me wash it and then keep it clean. He was free to pretend play with it after the dance. 

He got new dress shoes for the occasion, too, which he felt completed his sweatpants/t-shirt outfit 😂

Strep almost kept us from going, both boys ended up with it the week of. Quinn started it and Ash got it next. They were both medicated for long enough before the dance to not be considered contagious, so we were still able to go. 

Ash told Quinn he looked like Boss Baby, and I told him he looked like his bodyguard 😂

Ash did not want to wear any fancy clothes, so he got a long sleeve black shirt to match his black sweatpants, and from far away, you could barely tell. I'm just happy he wore socks. He can always be counted on to have either zero, but not more than one sock on at any given time we need to leave the house. He may continue to only have that many once we’ve left, despite me telling him to wear them, if I don't remember to check 🤦🏻‍♀️. 

I'm in a much better place mentally and physically this year than I was last, so shopping for a dress wasn't as painful a task as before. My dress wasn't super fancy, and I was still a little nervous about feeling underdressed, but the other moms seemed to tone it down this year, too, and no one really looked like they were going to their second chance prom. 

😍😍😍

Our official photo from Frannie Herrick

Last year vs. This year

Our biggest transformation was my hair and our ability to better coordinate outfits 

I've still been working out, and this week is number 4/5 of Beta round of Focus T25. If I could stop eating garbage, I'd be making a lot more weight loss progress, but I am getting much stronger. 

Ash even joins me occasionally 😃

Im not sure if I’ve ever wanted a holiday to be over more than this Valentine’s Day 😂. Well, probably Christmas 🙄, but this was a very close second. No one wanted to make a Valentine box. No one wanted to pick out or sign their Valentines. I’m in camp Valentine’s Day Is A Stupid Consumer Holiday, so I really didn’t care, but unless they were going to skip school the days of their parties (they weren't), not doing them wasn’t an option. So we did them, but no one was happy about it 😂. 

They both painted an oatmeal container, colored pictures of their chosen superheroes, and then cut them out and glued them on the containers.

On Valentine's Day, I heard the boys get up and go downstairs around 6:15am, but it didn't take long for Ash to come tell me that there was candy on the table, as if I wasn't the one who left it there 🤦🏻‍♀️. I didn't realize until he came a second time that they were waiting for me to come down before they ate it, or I would've told them to do it and leave me alone 😂. And Quinn is wearing that ninja suit in the pic because that's what he slept in 😆.

Philip made me the best homemade caramel ice cream and chocolate chip cookie ever 🤤

I bought them a sleep training clock because waking me up at the butt crack of down started to be Asher's norm. It goes red at bedtime-8:00pm and turns green at 6:45am, which is when my alarm is set on school days. It turns white at 6:25, which means "soon." I told them they're allowed to get up and go downstairs together whenever it turns white, but they're not allowed to get me unless there's a very good reason. Valentine's Day candy does not meet that requirement 😂.

This morning, I volunteered in Quinn's classroom and I made a craft with the kids. It was supposed to be for Valentine's Day, but we couldn't get it scheduled until this week. I had so much fun and the kids did, too, especially mine 🥰. He seems to really enjoy whenever I go in. I love doing it but I’m always so nervous and don’t sleep well the night before 🫠. I properly worry about all of the things that could go wrong on the days leading up to it, but there never seems to be a cap. It has gone extremely well both times.  I told his teacher I'll plan to come back in and do a spring activity, so hopefully I can chill next time. The kids really loved making slime before, so we may do something else like that. Today we took photos with my Fujifilm Instax mini camera, and the kids decorated popsicle stick frames. I was excited to share my love of photography with them. If I'm going by my interests, maybe next time I should have them plant something. They already work on reading, that will cover most of my favorite hobbies 😂. 

Hey, Big Boy!

Our days of diapers (well, pull-ups at this point) are finally (finally!) over. I was beginning to think Ash was never going to poop in the potty. He’s been peeing in his urinal for months, but he was highly unmotivated to poop in the toilet, despite being offered everything under the sun as a reward for doing so. Anytime he mentioned a new toy or a fun experience, I would offer it as a potty prize. You want a new costume? Absolutely, just poop in the potty! A visit to the trampoline park? Sounds fun! We’ll go today if you poop in the potty. Nothing worked. And then, one day, he just did it on his own, out of the blue. Yay, right? Well, yes, but then I decided that was that, he was there, no going back. So when he pooped in his pants later that same day and then again the next day, I was beyond frustrated. I handled it all wrong, letting my anger take control, shaming him in my tone, even if my words didn’t quite say it. He cried and I felt like an asshole. Philip and I had a conversation about it and he helped me see the error in my approach (which didn’t work, by the way. Ash didn’t stop doing it, he just tried harder to hide it 😩) and I backed off of my all or nothing stance and let him lead. 

I wanted so badly to help Ash achieve his potty milestone, but mostly I was just a complete pain the ass to him. I reminded him approximately 783 times a day that if he needed to poop, he needed to do it in the potty. I set a timer for every 45 minutes and told him to go pee, and then I would ask him every time if he needed to poop. I don’t think any of that was super important, what it really boiled down to was waiting for him to be ready. Some of the most frustrating moments as a parent happen during situations where we have no control. We can’t make them eat, sleep, or use the bathroom. We can manipulate the situation—by giving them the foods we want them to have, or turning out the lights, closing the door, etc., or by sitting them on the potty, but we can’t actually make them do any of those things. And they won’t do them until they’re ready, and we just have to accept it. All kids are different and they all do things on their own timeline, despite our biggest efforts, sometimes. 

Ash may not have been previously motivated with bribes, but he is now. We started out with choosing from a prize box, which I filled with an eclectic assortment of junk that I collected at Lucky Duck on dollar day. For example, I found a gold chalice (his favorite color is gold), which he calls a trophy, and it is now a prized possession. Other winners have been a tube of different colored crepe paper, which the boys strung all over the house, and rainbow tinted safety glasses. Incentivized pooping has lead to him announcing he has to poop about 14 times a day (half of the times he actually does), so the prize box is no longer feasible, and we have reduced the reward to only candy.  If he asks if he can have candy at 8am and I say no, he suddenly has to poop. He produces poop for candy, almost like a party trick. He has never pooped this much before in his life. 

Quinn and Ash helped Dad make homemade birthday cake flavored marshmallows, which were a nice potty prize. They're really good!

He's even teaching his superhero toys how to use the urinal 😂. I hear him cheering them on. He also cheers himself on. I've heard him say, "Come on, Asher, you can do it."  😂 😂 😂

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This picture may not say much to you, but it shows significant growth. We have been going to Story Time at the library since Asher was born. Until a few weeks ago, he has always sat on my lap. Even though Iris usually goes with us, and she sits on a mat on the floor, as do pretty much all of the other kids, he always climbs up to me. I'm not sure what prompted it, but one day, he grabbed a mat and parked himself on the floor between my feet. Granted, he was still touching me, but progress was made! I was so excited to capture this moment. 

Ash's 4th birthday is fast approaching, but I just keep looking at him and thinking about how little he still is. Sometimes, he’s so cute I can’t stand it. He’s also a really well behaved little boy (most of the time) and I'm lucky that he's mine. While I’m a tad bit sad for him to be growing up, I am not sad to be leaving the diaper phase behind 😂. Life is easier as they get older. 

Something changed in Quinn's brain over Christmas break. I'm not sure if some synapses finally bridged that help with emotional control, or if maybe Philip and I finally wore down his stubbornness with our consistency in not giving into his bullshit (wishful thinking), or if getting an iPad for Christmas finally gave us the leverage we needed to better guide his behavior. Probably the latter. Whatever it was, I fully welcome it because life has been so much more peaceful! The past three years of challenging behaviors have been some of the hardest of my life. We've all learned a lot from them, that's for sure. 

He looks so cute here. Too bad the story behind the grin doesn't match the sweetness. He had just looked up at me from his screen and said, "Hey Mom, I farted." I swear 🤦🏻‍♀️. 

He may be having some brain rot from that screen, but he is learning one valuable lesson from it: time management. We put a screen limit on his account, and once he reaches it, he's done for the day. I try to give him some warnings when I think he's blowing through it quickly, but he rarely heeds them. Oh well. 

Doing homework with Quinn was a nightmare, so Philip took over that task, but once I stopped doing it, Quinn started asking to do it with me again. I'm happy to do it with him if he's going to be cooperative. He doesn't pull the crap with his dad like he does with me. I was dreading that entire week of snow packets, but he completed them without incident. It's been such a pleasant change!

Another transformation came in the form of bravery and endearment. The other day, out of the blue, Quinn came to tell me that he was going to go upstairs and take a bath by himself. The same child who, twenty minutes earlier, had asked me to accompany him to his room to find a belt. I went up after I heard the water running for a few minutes to remind him not to overflow the tub, and to wash all of his parts. I asked if he needed anything, and he said he didn't, so I left. He stayed in the bathroom alone for approximately 3.5 minutes, but he accomplished his task 😂. It's a start! 

There are multiple times a day when Quinn seeks me out for a spontaneous hug. He can be so stubborn, so I am grateful for these tender moments when I get them from him. He is not usually the kid who calms down from a hug, and while he's not one to refuse a hug, it hasn't previously been a source of connection for us. I often ask myself if that's because of me and my past inability to properly emote, and I don't have an answer for that. I hope that's not the case. I want to be motherly to my children, and I feel like that's a standard mothering move. They're both so different. Ash is a kid who calms down from a hug, or a boo boo kiss, or a reminder to take a deep breath. Maybe it's just his age, but I hope so much that he doesn't outgrow it. I also hope this new serene state of Quinn's is here to stay. 

3/4th of my heart in one photo 🫶🏻