My Least Favorite Holiday

Mother's Day is a day I typically like to pretend doesn't exist. It's a day of sadness and longing for one more day to spend with my mom, Nother Nan, and now, Grandma. The feelings of loss are stronger on some days than others.  I am reminded of them every day in one way or another. 

Every time I look in the mirror I am reminded of how much I look like Mom (my nickname growing up was "Little Kathy" and I hated it then). 

I think of her every time I sass someone, because she didn’t take any shit either.

I inherited her neurotic need to clean all the time. 

My brother and I work hard because she taught us how. 

She showed me her love for animals, which is a great blessing in my life. 

I often think of how smart she was, even though she didn’t know it. 

We shared a love for being outside: working in the yard, riding bikes, golfing, walking.

 I’m pretty sure chocolate is in my DNA, passed down from her. Fudge Rounds and dirt cake were childhood staples. 

Dairy Queen ice cream cake is still my favorite, a birthday tradition she started. 

Late night reruns of Golden Girls or Roseanne bring back memories of watching together. 

I think of Grandma with every beautiful flower and cardinal I see.

I watch videos online with old women who say inappropriate things and I laugh and think of her. 

I’ve mastered her macaroni salad recipe but my potato soup never tastes as good as hers did. 

We always listened to music together when I was young and I still love singing. 

I remember we used to watch Little House on the Prairie and play with dolls. She spent much of her time watching my brother and me when Mom worked. She was always there when we needed her. 

Nother Nan was the kindest person I’ve ever known. 

She would give anybody anything she had, if they needed it, or even if they didn’t need it but asked anyway. 

I think of her anytime someone says, “Holy Mackerel,” or “That really burns me up.” 

I can’t eat a no bake cookie or see Swiss Cake rolls without thinking of her. 

I definitely got my competitive spirit from her; she was known to get rowdy at my brother’s basketball games! 😂 

There was rarely a time when I went to visit and she wasn’t sitting at her kitchen table, drinking coffee. We played many games of cards at that table when I was young. War was my favorite and now that I realize how boring that game is, I appreciate her patience. 

I’m so grateful to have been raised by these three women, who loved each other despite my parents being divorced. Losing them leaves an emptiness that can’t be replaced but I am strong because they were strong. All the good parts of me came from them. 

I'm also grateful for the other women in my life, who help ease the pain of losing them. This is going to seem a bit like an 8th grade shoutout to my friends on an awesome HTML website that I designed(!).... but I just want them to know that I love and appreciate them. Marsha and Kim, you do a good job of providing friendship with a tad bit of mothering, if I need it. Lori, you're the sister I never had but always wanted, and I'm so happy you share your children with me. Lisa and Regina, you make being at work fun and I feel like you both understand me. Holly, I'm so glad we've reunited. It's great having a friend who knows where I'm coming from. Michelle, we don't talk as often anymore but I'll always be grateful that you were there for me when I was lonely and needed a friend. Anetia, you're pretty special to me, too. Some people hate their in-laws but I can honestly say I love mine and I'm very blessed to have you. 

Happy Mother's Day to all of the wonderful mothers. "A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take."